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I am one of those unfortunate people than relatively unsensitive nipples (not to be confused with insensitive nipples, that will insult your mother and spit on your dog). But, luckily, I can get some added sensation with just the right type of stimulation. That is where Variations Nipple Clamps come into the picture. Nipple clamps are such a standard requirement for BDSM practitioners that I’m sort of ashamed to admit I didn’t own this important sex toy before this.

I tried out these clamps on myself but there is no interesting story to tell there. Instead, I’ll let you in on how Ariel felt about trying them.

Ellie: Nipple Clamps – Did you like them?
Ariel: Yes
I was nervous about them at first – I’ve never used proper clamps before, and I was worried they might be much more of serious business than I was ready for
Being adjustable definitely helps, and I love it when you play with the connecting chain
Ellie: Yeah, I just tried them on and the chain is interesting. Just the weight of it causes this low-level stimulation that is constant.
Did they seem sturdy?
Ariel: From my side it did seem sturdy, although I didn’t spend much time studying their construction
Ellie: No, I guess you wouldn’t have ;)
Tell me what it felt like when I took them off?
Ariel: It burned like coal-fire and made me want to cry for a moment, just a moment, then it faded down quickly to a hot rush of sensation
Ellie: You made such a pretty noise.
Ariel: My nipples are pretty sensitive and every time I pressed against any of you for the rest of the day, I could instantly remember exactly how it felt
Ellie: I was very cross the other day when I saw that someone had removed your clamps without me while I was looking for a toy. I wouldn’t put them on if I didn’t want to be there to see that look on your face ;)
Ariel: Yeah, J did one and M did one, they cheated you out of your prize
I do promise to make it up to you, though
Thats what I get for letting boys get at you when I’m playing.
So, overall, you’re a fan of the clamps?
Ariel: I’m definitely in the fan club
Ellie: President? Treasurer? Rank-and-file member? ;)
Ariel: Secretary maybe
Ellie: Excellent.

The warm water is pounding down on us as we stand facing each other. His hair isn’t quite yet wet and I can see the droplets of water accumulating slowly and persistently as he looks back at me. His hands are on my arms and his voice is insistent and forceful but entirely controlled. He lifts a hand to his own shoulder and tilts his neck welcoming me to his vulnerability.

“Bite me right here.”

The spot he has selected rests where there is strong muscle just beyond the clavicle. I look at it and then back at his eyes. He sees the fear I’m holding.

He isn’t a bottom on this transaction, he must remain in charge or else I feel that I’ll be lost and without needing to speak a word of that anxiety, he reassures me.

“I’ll tell you exactly how hard and when I’m done I’ll tap you on the back and tell you.”

I lick my lips in hunger and steal a kiss brushing past his lips as I slide my lips near the location he has designated for my teeth. The water is soothing but I don’t melt until I am nestled into his arms circling around me and holding me to him. One hand is firmly on my back, ready to signal to me when he is done with my bite. I wrap my arms around him as well, clinging to him and feeling weak and small, knowing the safety of this perfect place between neck and shoulder where I have been invited to rest.

I swallow and breath and open my lips. I bare my teeth to this soft place and bite. He relaxes into me and growls, “More.”

I give it.

We have been home from Dark Odyssey Summer Camp for two weeks now and I haven’t said much about it. I’ve been processing my thoughts but I have a list of posts that I want to write about the experience. A lot happened there. I met Wendy, a longtime blog friend that is even more awesome when you get to see her in person. I got to spend time with my dear, sweet Viviane who is one of the most comforting and lovely people I’ve met in a long time. I also got to meet many new friends and take classes and workshops with remarkable presenters and educators.

Despite the plethora of experiences that I did have, I am going to start with one that I didn’t. A gangbang.

It was Sunday afternoon, laying around in the pool, that I got the idea that I wanted to have a gangbang. Just by merit of timing, the idea was already ill-fated but Jay tried to organize it for me. Needless to say, most people had pretty full dance cards and getting that many cocks to convene in one place at camp was, well, not going to happen.

But, in the spirit of better luck next time, let me tell you a bit about what I have in mind.

I want to be violated by multiple people in a way that is really quite beyond my control. I first got a taste for this during our playful threesomes with Ian. He and Jay often pin me down and tickle me and molest me. It is fun and sexy and I struggle, giggle, and moan. But what if I screamed and cried and begged them to stop? It could go either way. The reality is that I have two tall, strong men pinning me down and doing what they want to me.

I got to thinking that I really love this, the feel of my muscles straining against their power. Knowing that I can’t get away, can’t stop it from occurring. The ability to let go because there is nowhere else to go. Sure, I’m a rope slut and I like bondage of all sorts but actually being restrained by another person, unable to fight them off, is a totally different thing.

Suddenly the attention is divided. I can’t just think about the hand mauling my pussy or the teeth biting my nipples but instead have to focus on the fingers wrapped around my arm, squeezing tight enough to bruise. Or perhaps the knees pressed against my thigh, forcing my legs apart so that my unwilling wetness is revealed. And they can’t just focus on what they are doing to me, their animalism has to come out and it becomes just as much about the struggle as the sex.

The idea of multiple people making this happen for me, taking turns pinning me down and keeping my subdued while their companions touch me in every way they can imagine is an overwhelming urge. They can be faceless and nameless. I could be blindfolded or not. The details, the humans involved don’t matter. I am interested in arms and hands, mouths and cocks just as they should not be interested in me in this moment, just my sex, just what my warm and wet holes can offer them.

Fantasies like this are scary to some people. The lack of consent is alarming. There are feminists that would have some choice (or perhaps condescending) words for me. But it is mine and I own it. And I look forward, perhaps too eagerly, to the day that I can make it a reality.

Almost anyone that is into BDSM and sensation play has seen one of these spiky metal toys before but the rest of you may be a bit confused by it. Allow me to introduce you to the Wartenberg Wheel, a compact and versatile addition to your toy bag.

This pinwheel is stainless steel and has a spinning head with small needles radiating out from it. You can use it in a variety of ways depending on your partner and your own sadistic streak. Changing the amount of pressure exerted and the location of the wheel allows for drastic changes in sensation.

Jay and I tried it out on each other and played with pressure. It can range from tickly to downright ouchy and allows for a lot of fun sensations in-between. This toy can be a fun addition to a sensual massage, a bondage session, or it can be fun to sneak into oral sex. Try getting your partner close to climax and then firmly sliding this pinwheel up his or her thigh.

I’m on my back, bound. The harness holds me in firmly, my arms are bound to my thighs and Arte has a wicked grin on her face. She is playing stupid, acting like a mad scientist, telling me that she has a new contraption to test on me. As I’m writing about it now, the roleplay sounds absurd and laughable. But in the moment, I didn’t find it very funny. I was scared.

She covers my eyes with a pair of goggles and now the already dim hotel room is darker and red. She hold the contraption over me and it makes zapping and crackling noises. My whole body is shaking.

I was so excited to try this device and now I’m considering chickening out. My safe word is running through my mind, assisted by the fact that I am, literally, seeing red in this moment. I calm my breathing and try to listen to what Artemis is saying. When she asks me if I’m ready I say, “No!” but she touches it to my skin anyway.

Perhaps you just want to listen to the rest of what happened? It includes whimpering, screaming, whining, and judicious amounts of giggling. Lets just say that I am no longer terrified of the violet wand and am a bit of an electricity slut now.

Download the recording of me trying out the Violet Wand

 

 Violet Wand [5:16m]: Play Now | Play in Popup | Download

This is another in my series of interviews with men about masculinity. Like several of the other men interviewed, Jerry has an interest in BDSM. He expresses both joy and conflict arising from this part of his sexuality. The urge to define what authentic or “real” masculinity is appears in this narrative. It seems like something that Jerry is not sure of as I’m sure many of us are not.

When was the first time you remember being aware of masculinity? How old were you? What was the cultural climate or influence?

I can’t remember NOT being aware of masculinity. Many of my early memories are of my Moms brother and his wife who lived next door. He was big on bodybuilding and was clear and vocal about what a man and a woman should should be. He was more than a little “caveman” in his thinking. The rest of my family and most of the others I know were more in step with the times, but even at that, roles were pretty clearly defined. Our extended family would often take trips together where the men would go fishing and the women would shop. Even at the preschool age I would ask why, I, “a man” was going shopping. They said I would get to go with the men when I got a little older. And I did. While not a caveman, my Dad was still a product of the times. He would take me with him often…to the auto parts store and the hardware store. (I still love going to “Dom Depot”) When my Mom was in the hospital we, as a male family, had to have a grandma come over to cook and clean for us.
Even with that I knew girls were of more interest to me than boys and I spent much more time with the neighborhood girls than boys. And playing “show and tell” was just one of the reasons. While I got called sissy and even fag a good deal I never had any doubt about what I liked and who had it and who didn’t.

Do you think of yourself as masculine? Why or why not?

I do, but not in the context of the “caveman” or even the “father knows best”. I see myself more of a renaissance man. I want the women in my life to be educated and enlightened, whether they are a bar wench or the queen or both. I admit to retaining some issues from youth. I can’t help it that I still find it much easier to cut grass that to wash dishes. I can however cook if I can ever get my wife and our girlfriend out of the kitchen at the same time. I do see men as protector still, but know enough to share that duty with women. My wife and I are currently sharing the finer points of hunting and shooting with our girlfriend.
In life and in the bedroom (or whatever room works at the time) we are all equal partners. We each bring something different to the table (or bed) and its all good.

How does your masculinity relate to your sexuality (be it your orientation, preferences, or expressions)?

Being into BDSM and poly has been a great way to express my desire to be “lord of the manor” as well as “sex toy” (at different times) without taking, or giving up, equality in the relationship. In both BDSM and poly communication and trust are acknowledged as paramount and while men may be from Mars we need to be able to hear and express the needs and feelings of those involved. “Real men” should be able to do this.

Download Episode #19 of Bedroom Radio (15MB, 33minutes)

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I have a pretty personal investment in this next set of responses because they come from Jay, my amazing lover, best-friend, and companion. There are a lot of people that blog in isolation from their romantic partners and that makes me sad. I deeply treasure the honesty we share and the fact that he loves all of me, unconditionally. I am lucky for that.

Jay is an incredibly special person and his answers here were not news to me. But reading them has made me feel closer to him. His memories and recollections are, like many of the men I have featured, heart-breaking, thought-provoking, and raw.

When was the first time you remember being aware of masculinity? How old were you? What was the cultural climate or influence?

My earliest childhood memories (ages 2-3) are of my father physically abusing my mother. The ensuing conversations that transpired between my mother and I told me in no uncertain terms all of the negative traits that made a man.

Growing up with a single mother and 2 sisters I never really trusted any men enough to let them have a positive effect on my view of masculinity. As a child I was more submissive and feminine than most of my peers and certainly less masculine than my tom-boy sister.

Do you think of yourself as masculine? Why or why not?

Now I feel a lot more masculine than I did as a child, but I’m still a very passive person in general.

I know that many people have read about my sexual experiences online and have commented to the effect of “You’re such a man, you know what you want and you go after it.” Of course they don’t know me and the fact that I am a kind, shy, passive, gentle person (or at least they look over those facts as I do try to write about them).

How does your masculinity relate to your sexuality (be it your orientation, preferences, or expressions)?

I’m the quiet, shy, rebellious type (wait, is there a type like that?). I look for any way I can to play with people’s traditional concepts whether it is family values, religion, or sexuality/gender. My orientation is bisexual, although right now I’m swinging back toward heteroflexible.

In kink play, BDSM, and parties I prefer to dress up as a woman and take a dominant role (which is a lot of fun since I have a very full beard). At a recent party I was dressed as Jackie O and spent most of my “play time” whipping the bejesus out of a tiny little woman in front of a rather large audience… if that gives you any idea ;)