Ellie Lumpesse: A Pretentious Pervert

The LELO Gigi from VibeReview

Saturday
Nov 8,2008

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The LELO GiGi from VibeReview

LELO is one of the few, cherished high-end sex toy manufacturers that lovers of excellent toys ooh and ahh over. I was sold on LELO when I tried out the Nea and was excited to try the Gigi, their insertable g-spot vibrator.

Right off the bat, I’ll admit that LELO toys come with a steep pricetag. But, what do you get for that price? A product that is more than worth it, I’d say. The Gigi is rechargeable and runs for several hours on a single charge. It has multiple speeds and functions from a soft flutter to a pulsating wave. The sensations available surpass those of an ordinary vibrator. Additionally, the Gigi is made of fantastic, body-friendly materials like silicone.

I found the controls on the Gigi to be ergonomically placed and easy to use even in the heat of the moment. The shape of the toy really hits the spot for me. I’ve tried some more intense g-spot vibes and they have their place in my life, but the Gigi is great for a slow, langorous buildup to an intense release.

I also found that the shape and the handle make the Gigi great little wand for applying clit stimulation to a partner. I recently found myself in the delicious position of pressing the Gigi against Ariel’s clit while Jay was inside her and she rode him on top. The handle is good about supressing some of the vibrations so you can focus on the nice feelings the head is providing instead of considering if your hand is about to go numb.

The Gigi is an impeccably designed creation that I am thrilled to have in my toybox. It is one of the ones that I grab without hesitation when packing a weekend bag. I delight in seeing the eyes of a new partner light up when I show them this lovely and functional toy.

Saturday
Oct 25,2008

So much has been said these past two weeks but I still feel like it isn’t for the rest of the world. I can’t articulate myself in a way that makes it as big as it is so I keep it to myself and I privately swoon to a few friends and still feel like I miss the mark. There are tears of pain and joy and I’m so grateful for everything I’m feeling. Another playlist:

Cunnilingus Expert Kit from Babeland

Thursday
Oct 23,2008

I recently had the chance to try out the Cunnilingus Expert Kit from Babeland and I think that it provides a great selection of items to help you become a more effective twat licker. I wanted this kit because I was pretty worried about my technique and I was hoping to be illuminated and have some of my fears quashed. While I’ve received cunnilingus many times, I hadn’t given it too many and so this review is written from the perspective of trying to improve my own techniques and learn a few things about how cunnilingus idealy works.

What you get in this kit and what I thought of it:

I’m a big fan of Violet Blue’s sex manuals because they are written in very straight-forward language that isn’t just designed to give you the techniques but also to ease fears that may exist. This book is no exception and really seems suited to people with a variety of sexual experiences. Feeling like I am new to licking pussy, I appreciated a bit of hand-holding in relation to the concepts presented but it also seems that even seasoned experts would derive some useful information here.

I’ve been hearing about the Orchid G for a long time and was glad to have the chance to try it out. While I haven’t gotten to use it on a partner yet, I was on the receiving end of this lovely wand. If you want straight-forward, no-nonsense G spot vibrations this is the toy for you. The shape is quite perfect and just the slightest twists and turns made it take me to new places. Of all the G spot toys I’ve tried this is the single one that has inspired me to really explore my G spot (as well as those of my friends!)

I have to say that I was skeptical about this product. Babeland doesn’t put their name on crap so I knew it would be good quality but I was hung up on the name. Lickable. . . oil. I’m not usually a fan of flavored lubes or getting things like this in my mouth. Plus the promise of oilyness made it sound all the more alarming. However, this was a pleasant surprise because the oil didn’t spread across my mouth the way that I thought it might. That brings you down to a question of flavors. I’m usually not a fan of very sweet flavors in products like this and while the dulce de leche smelled just like it’s namesake, I probably would have prefered something more fruity and light. Still, if you like the idea of adding condiments to your partner before eating them up, this lickable oil is a good option. Just remember that it isn’t compatible with latex!

My comments about flavored lube have already been shared above. However, this stuff works really well. Sliquid is a quality lube and the flavor doesn’t bother me even if I don’t have a lot of plans to have it in my mouth.

The dental dams were nice and thin and allowed for some very good contact with flesh. My personal sex practices admittedly don’t usually call for their use but they are very good to have around. Even if you don’t like using them for cunnilingus, you may find that you do like using them for analingus (and should! even with a fluid-bonded partner).

I’m sort of skeptical about special sex-toy wipes. These can be used on your toys or yourself and they worked just fine but I didn’t detect anything that set them aside from my standard package of baby wipes other than the price.

***

You save 25% when you buy these items together as a kit (it is basically like buying the Lickable Oil, Orchid G, and Ultimate Guide to Cunnilingus and getting everything else for free). This is a fun kit that will get you set up for oral sex and many more good times.

Keep it Like a Secret

  • Filed under: Sex
Thursday
Oct 16,2008

Last I checked in, I mentioned that we would be staying with some friends in Atlanta while attending DomCon. Ariel and Michael turned out to be more than amazing. I’m still a bit stunned by meeting them and I wonder if I’ll wake up from this soon.

I don’t have anything to say about what happened this weekend just yet. Really, it is that there is too much to say. Hopes, fears, phenomenal intimacy and a lot of sparks (both figuratively and literally).

Sigh. So I’m in this place where I can swoon and speak only in song lyrics and I’m so grateful for that. So in lieu of a play-by-play, you get a playlist.

VibroPod from VibeReview

Wednesday
Oct 15,2008

VibroPod from VibeReview

The VibroPod belongs to a family of sound responsive vibrators that are designed to marry a love of music with a love of your own clitoris. Now, I’ve been thinking along these lines on my podcast for awhile now so I knew I had to give the VibroPod a try as soon as I got the chance.

The package comes with two bullet vibrators in different sizes that plug into a central control box. Your audio output device also routes through this box allowing the vibrations to be controlled by the intensity and volume of the music. I found that when the toy wasn’t being sensitive enough, I could just lower the volume to reduce total noise on the line and I would get a much more subtle vibration pattern. You also have the option with the VibroPod of using it as a standard bullet vibe without a sound source (other than your own ragged breath).

I tried it out with a variety of music and enjoyed the experience each time. After awhile playing with it, you develop a sense of what types of songs will work especially well.

So, the VibroPod has given me a lovely sense of what synesthesia must be like. I got to really feel the music and enjoyed it significantly. This is a unique toy that adds value to your music collection and can make a lovingly crafted mixtape all that more impactful.

Rope Slut

Friday
Oct 10,2008

Image from RopeRookie.com - Click to see the rest of the gallery.

I’ll admit it. I salivate a little when I think about rope on my body. We rope sluts are a peculiar breed within the BDSM world. Whereas many people complain and say that rope bondage takes too long, we see it as an end in itself. A brilliant exchange of energy and sensual connection.

The first time I played with rope was with Jay, neither of us really knew what we were doing but it still took my breath away. A few years later and we’re both getting better at the game. In the spirit of education we’re going to DomCon Atlanta this weekend.  We’ve both been asked to be demo bottoms for Artemis Hunter’s class on predicament bondage. I’ve bottomed for this class before and it was a ton of fun. I won’t give away any surprises, though, for those of you that plan on attending.

After the demo and day of classes, we plan to go play 1763 with some friends in Atlanta. Last time we were there was for Sex 2.0 and we’re hoping to make the most of the play space and equipment this time around. I have several hundred feet of great rope to test my skills on.

Friday
Oct 10,2008

This time we have a guest review from Jay. He is the one in this house with the prostate so, he is the one that got to test out this toy.

If there is one thing I’ve learned from watching Ellie review toy after toy it is that not all sex toys line up perfectly with every woman’s body. If men are anything like women (and we’re probably not) then it might explain why the Aneros Prostate Stimulator Massager didn’t live up to the hype.

Aneros Prostate Stimulator Massager

I decided on trying the smallest model knowing only one thing thing about the Aneros, that it is made of hard plastic. Toys without any give scared me at the time. Now that I’m a fan of glass toys I’m not so worried about a larger Aneros.

I eagerly popped the Aneros out of the box when it arrived and read the instructions. Like a good reviewer I wanted to follow the instructions on the box exactly (I even used the provided lube packet). The instructions tells you to insert the Aneros and give it up to fifteen minutes to “settle into place”.

After a couple of minutes I couldn’t feel it inside (as the instructions indicated) I let Ellie try to arouse me and we began to masturbate together.

Aneros Prostate Stimulator Massager Figures 1 and 2

We stroked and writhed on the bed, and the Aneros stayed right inside where it was supposed to “move as the sphincter contracts”. I didn’t really feel the movement advertised as the “abutment” was digging into my taint something awful. I kept reaching underneath to dig it out of my skin so that I could focus on Ellie’s breasts.

According to the instructions when I finally orgasmed the toy was supposed to rock against my prostate as my sphincter automagically contracted. No luck on that either. Good orgasm, but nothing extra-special.

There are two things I’ve been able to come up with that might have enhanced the experience.

1.) A silicone covered abutment, or some kind of washable padding to prevent it from digging in so much.

2.) A slightly larger toy might have hit the right places. I’m not terribly familiar with my interior geography, but my hunch is that it wasn’t going far enough in.

On the positive side it cleaned up nicely and the shape was pleasing.

Overall I would give it a 2 out of 5.

I think that hearing about the Aneros for so many years and the hype of the ‘amazing prostate orgasm’ jaded me. I would be interested in trying another prostate massager for comparison purposes.

If you want to give the Aneros a try, or take a look at other naughty toys for girls and boys check out VibeReview.com

Monday
Oct 6,2008

I stay away from a lot of feminist blogs because, well, reading them often hurts my soul. In fact other than perusing Feministing and Feministe, I leave it up to Ren, Trinity, Amber, and Caroline to keep my up to date on what is happening vis-a-vis sex and feminism. These ladies have the patience of saints because they manage to spend a lot of time reading the same angry arguments about sex work and responding to them over and over again.

For a long time I knew that there was some fundamental lack of clash in the debate. An ideological space where the competing ideas could not be resolved because they are operating on different planes. Many radical and second wave feminists take a strong social constructionist view of gender and violence against women. Many sex positive feminists see this as lacking in nuance and denying the autonomy of individual women. But, that distinction has been on the table for a long time.

Today I started thinking about another one when I was reading this post of Caroline’s. She links to a blog where a very brave woman discusses her incredibly damaging and negative experiences in the sex industry. That woman believes that she is dismissed by sex positive feminists as being a “sad case” - that her experience is the exception and does not invalidate sex work. On the flip-side, many former sex workers that had positive experiences feel their voices are drowned out and silenced by radical feminists who claim they are apologists for the patriarchy.

The problem is that these arguments still aren’t truly clashing with each other. Two claims are being debated as if they are a single one even though they are neither directly related nor mutually exclusive.

Claim #1: Sex work is wrong.

Claim #2: There is something wrong within sex work.

The “within” is very important in that second claim. It distinguishes the idea that sex work is on face something to be rejected from the claim that there are problems in sex work that need to be remedied. I don’t know a single sex worker that would not concede the second claim. Of course there are individuals, perhaps even the majority of individuals, who are severely adversely affected by sex work. But, one claim does not automatically support the other because Claim #2 is a quantitative claim that describes a current problem whereas Claim #1 is qualitative and makes a value judgment. The material conditions of sex work can change and Claim #2 would be eroded but for those that support Claim #1, no change would be sufficient. By definition sex work is wrong and no number of pleasant personal experiences could change that.

So, yes, I desperately abhor the abuse and mistreatment of sex workers. I loath the deeply disturbing and violent treatment that sex workers face. As a separate issue I am, of course, concerned about the trafficking of human beings or the exploitation and rape of children that cannot consent to entering the sex trade. I can see all of these things and I can still say that sex work should exist and can be healthy. I can believe that it will never disappear and so it must be prepared, not just to make the best of a bad situation but to create joy out of a vocation that should be honored instead of denigrated. I honor the voices of women that have experienced pain or violence in sex work and I don’t think that they are tokens. But, I think that their experiences provide a backdrop for an important change and (r)evolution, not for a dismantling of an eternal system.

(Also, go read the 11th Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy)

About Ellie



Ellie Lumpesse writes about sex, BDSM, relationships, non-monogamy, feminism, and rhetoric. In addition to blogging, she produces the Bedroom Radio sex podcast and is a phone slut for hire.

Ellie is also a proud contributor to Best Sex Bloggers and The Femme's Guide. This is the last time you will see her talk about herself in the third person.


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