Ellie Lumpesse: A Pretentious Pervert

Archive for the ‘Sex’ Category

Elust #28

  • Filed under: Sex
Saturday
Aug 6,2011

Photo courtesy of Delilah

Welcome to e[lust] - Your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #29 (Which will be in September, taking a short summer break)? Start with the rules and subscribe to the RSS feed and Twitter for updates and submission reminders.

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

What makes me a woman? - It’s a stumper, this question. There must be something that makes me a woman. Something more than how I am perceived by others as I walk down the street. But what is the answer?

Baggage: An InventoryEveryone brings bags with them. My goal is to carry my own bags. I’ll let people help me shed them, but I will never let them carry them. Those bags are my own to, well, own.

There’s pain and then there’s pain (and then there’s pain) -Part of what I crave in the second type of pain is the selfish sadism of the partner who continues despite my pleas. He does it because it arouses him, and he does it because I’ll endure it for him.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

What Is Gender?Playing with dolls and preferring the color pink doesn’t make you a girl anymore than chewing on a bone makes you my dog.

~ e[lust] Editress: Dangerous Lilly ~

Sex Toys: Single or Partnered, there is no shame in owning themThere’s no fucking shame in owning your sexuality, in taking control of your own damn orgasm. Can you PREFER human contact and partnered sex to sex toys? Sure. You can prefer whatever the fuck you want. But don’t insinuate to me that owning a lot of sex toys is somehow bad or shameful.

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable ~after this point~. Thank you, and enjoy!

New Blogger Education Posts

Blog Design 101: Balancing Personal Style vs Readability

A Cautionary Word on Joining Affiliate Programs

Kink & Fetish

BDSM Day, an international recognition

BDSM Advice Series: Bondage Tape

Being a Brat Can Hurt

Caning, energy and romance

Screw roses! I enjoy playing with Thorns…

Working Girl

Erotic Writing

A Trip to the Toy Store

Can I get into your knickers now?

Coffee Break

early afternoon

Elevator Shaft

Fogged-up Windows

Fucking Eli

FWB

I’ll see you tonight…

One on One

Open By Night

Overtime

Rock Out With My Cock Out

Renewed Interest

Twenty/Fifty-Three

that little fucking game changer [part I]

the weekend away – Sunday

Sex News, Interviews, Politics & Humor

Death By Bondage

Hypocrite, PA-Rant!

kink labels….is there a place for me? (or someday my kink will come)

Things I Looove Thursday

Thoughts & Advice on Sex & Relationships

Ask PolyAnna: Multiple partners?? Safer sex??

Are My Nipples Getting The Correct Signals?

Evolution

More Pussy Pride – The Perfect Vagina

My Take On Masculinity

Rambling Harlot: On Internet Dating and Shyness

Sex and Catholic Schools

Sex And Disability: Starting the Dialogues

Old Friends

  • Filed under: Sex
Monday
Jul 11,2011

After Hania left town, I didn’t really expect to see her again. Sure, we discussed me coming for a visit to Syria but was that realistic? Then she was living in Prague and it seemed more possible but not probable that we might be in the same place again.

Nonetheless, she and I have kept up with each other. With each story of the Arab Spring, I think of her. I wonder if her family is well. I wonder if her activist friends are safe. I’m grateful that she is safely in Prague instead of being bold and loud and beautiful (and in danger) as I know she would be in Syria right now.

It sounds mundane, but we’ve maintained contact via Facebook. She comments on my posts and we chat briefly. Nothing special really. Then last night, she said, “My dear Ellie, I will belly dance at your wedding!”

I thought to myself, “Ah, wouldn’t that be nice. But this is just Hania being Hania. Too much beauty and love in and intention to be constrained by reality.”

But, it turns out that there was a great deal of truth to what she said. She followed up with a private message to me saying that she would be returning to the United States for her PhD. And not just anywhere but right here. At the University I work at. So, Hania will be near to me again and I am so hopeful to rekindle that friendship. She moved something in me that I’ve not quite felt before with another woman. Something I desperately wanted to feel with my ex-girlfriend Ariel but couldn’t because of all of the pain and stress of that situation. She felt safe, soft, sisterly but also so mysterious and sensual. I felt that I knew her but that I wanted to always be closer.

So, Hania will return here in a few weeks and I am looking forward to introducing Mr. Vanilla to her – I think they will get along quite well. And I hope she will let me tie her up again and that she and I will cook delicious, fragrant foods, and that she will teach me to belly dance. But I will be glad to just be near her.

My Take On Masculinity

  • Filed under: Sex
Tuesday
Jul 5,2011

As a femme, I think about masculinity primarily as something that I define myself in opposition to. However, as I reflect on the idea of “Living Gender” for this month’s Gender Celebration Carnival, I wanted to think about the way that the models for masculinity in my life have informed my personal gender identity.

A few years ago, I hosted a series of interviews called “Musings on Masculinity”. Due to my general flakiness as a blogger, I failed to ever complete the wrap-up post where I would tie threads together and describe some of my own perspectives on the questions. I did have a draft of this post going, though, and it has been nominated to be resurrected from my Dead Letter Office.

For me, the most influential model of masculinity in my life has always been my Dad.

So, who is he? He is a high school drop-out that served in the Navy. He had a stack of LPs that I raided as a teenager – everything from Meat Loaf to Lou Reed. He stood by my mother as she battled cancer and mental illness for the entire span of their marriage. He rode a Harley long before I was born but has never stopped talking about it.

Because my Daddy had been a sailor, he swore like one. At some point during my early teenage years, it became accepted in our house that I might curse and as long as the swear wasn’t directed at him, there wasn’t a consequence. The only memory I have of being told directly what a woman is or does by my father is this. One day I was recounting some story of pain or anger or injustice and it included a tirade of f-bombs. He quietly listened to me finish speaking and then, looking beleaguered, he said, “Ellie, that isn’t very lady-like.”

My Dad saw me as a loose cannon because I didn’t have a mother. I know he fretted over it and I know that for part of him, every date he went on after my mother died was an audition. Was this the woman that could raise his daughter? I know my father thought of his masculinity as a hindrance to being a good single parent. Faced with the prospect of raising a young girl on the cusp of adolescence alone, his gut reaction was to seek out reinforcements. He dated several women under the agenda of finding me a “female figure” in my life.

Through my teenage years, he trusted me implicitly. I know he always thought I was getting up to much worse trouble than I really was. But he wasn’t an authoritarian, rather he was respectful of my autonomy and unrelentingly proud of my accomplishments.

For all the ways my Dad is rough and tumble, his version of masculinity is one that is informed by honesty, respect, and fidelity. He is fiercely protective of those he loves but he also taught me to be strong beyond any limitations that were placed on me or my gender.

So, as I reflect on gender lately and my fear of the masculine elements of myself, I remember the parts that come from my Dad and I become more comfortable embracing and inhabiting them.

***

The Carnival will chug along on Thursday, July 7th with a post by Dangerous Lilly.  If you are interested in participating, see this post to learn a bit more. Then jump in! You can fill out the straggler entry form so that I can be sure to include you in the wrap-up at the end.

Gender Celebration Carnival

Friday
Jul 1,2011

There are a bunch of great bloggers signed up to participate in this month’s Gender Celebration Carnival but there are still spots left. If you want to make a post on the theme and get it included in the round-up of posts so that we all know who is talking about “Living Gender”, please sign up.

That form states that sign-ups are open until today, July 1st, but I’m going to keep them open until July 3rd so that we can fill out the two week period of the carnival with awesome posts. So, if you want to claim a day to post on, get cracking!

Here are some of  the awesome bloggers already signed up:

Curvaceous Dee

Sexpert Jane Blow

Eusi Mto’s Toybox

Dangerous Lilly

Sugarbutch Chronicles

Neamhspleachas

If you aren’t sure what is expected of a carnival participant, please read the original call for submissions. It lays it all out for you. Then, after you get excited about how awesome things will be, sign right up!

Tuesday
Jun 28,2011

I’ll flesh out more of these details in subsequent posts. However, here is an incomplete list of all of the things I did at Dark Odyssey Fusion :) Let me know if there are specific ones that you want to know more about!

Thursday:

  • Got settled in and ran into old friends.
  • Demo bottomed for Murphy Blue in his Sexable Shibari class. Can you say rope dildo?
  • Attended a BDSM for Bigger Bodies class that was moving and inspiring.
  • I meet up with a play date for some fire. She graciously offers to end our scene by giving Mr. Vanilla a tutorial on fire and he proceeds to light me up. We bought some fire torches of our own the next day.
  • Mr. Vanilla and I fed each other fruit, wine, and chocolates at the Temptation in the Garden of Eden party. Then we fuck on a comfy Liberator zepellin lounger.

Friday

  • Take in a rope class with Sir C called 5 Fast Functional Ties.
  • I went to Mollena‘s Taboo Play, and Working Through Extremes class. She is just as awesome of a presenter as I’ve always heard.
  • After lunch I jump in the pool and a water edge play class is going on. I wander up and get drowned. It is a hot rush.
  • We attend Graydancer’s Slow Rope, Hot Knots class. He is a great teacher and manages to execute the demo really well despite his pants falling off and cutting himself half way through it.
  • At dinner, I host a blogger meetup which is attended by a handful of people including: Graydancer, Amethyst, Jade, and Passional.
  • We meet up with a sexy friend from home that is also a camper. Mr. Vanilla gets to experience his first threesome. We do a summer campers/counselor themed roleplay.
  • We end the night by bartending at the Chain Reaction party a black light dance party. By the end, my feet are covered in liquor and mixers and I’m exhausted.

Saturday

  • After breakfast, I have a hot rope scene with Murphy Blue. He uses a crotch rope to great effect.
  • We attend a punching and deep impact class. This is my favorite kind of impact play and this class breaks it down very clearly and provides some new techniques.
  • We attend the Kink County Fair and end up buying a violet wand from Scott.
  • I get the chance to serve as a demo bottom for Midori’s Hand and Foot Bondage class. She puts a pretty painful to walk on foot tie on me and has me wander around the room.
  • I meet up for a hot punching play date. The dungeon is too hot so we stand in the grass.
  • After dinner, I meet up for a knife play date. It starts off slow and sensual until it is interrupted by my kidnapping.
  • My kidnapping is intense so I cry for awhile after it. The aftercare takes up the rest of the night. Mr. Vanilla is so remarkably amazing at taking care of me.

Sunday

  • We are some of the few people that make it to Sunday morning classes. It was worth it for Sir C’s Nurturing Your Inner Evil Genius class.
  • We are much too eager to try out our new violet wand so we head to the dungeon and play a bit. Then, Mr. Vanilla gives me some *amazing* oral sex.
  • In the afternoon I attend a class on Dirty Talk  by SherynB that is similar to one I’ve taught in the past. I got a lot of great new ideas.
  • After dinner we meet up with friends for smores and chat around the camp fire.
  • I wander down to the Machine vs. Machine fucking machine event.
  • Mr. Vanilla and I head to the dungeon and do a scene together. We get to break in our new violet wand a bit better.

Monday

  • We pack up and get ready to head home.
  • We start talking about maybe trying to come back in August for Ropecamp.
  • We finish camp by attending Lee’s closing circle. I cry a lot.
  • As I’m leaving closing circle, I stub my toe badly, ripping the toenail and we need help from the medic.
  • On the way home from camp, doing 80 on I-95 just South of Richmond, Virginia, Mr. Vanilla asks me to marry him and I agree.

To say the least, I took a lot out of this weekend. I already knew I was attending the event with a partner who I wanted to marry but I got to arrive home from the event with the man I knew I would marry.

Pleasurists #135

  • Filed under: Sex
Tuesday
Jun 21,2011

 

summer lingerie by Miss-ElizabethRose 

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #134? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #136? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday June 26th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

Want a shiny new toy? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books & Games

Adult DVDs & Porn

Lingerie

Miscellaneous

 

Pleasurists adult product review round-up 

100 Things Redux

  • Filed under: Sex
Monday
Jun 20,2011

In August of 2005, I wrote a post called 100 Things. It was a blogger meme at the time and I dashed it off without a lot of thought. I have known for awhile that I need to revise it based on 6 years of exploration and growth in my life. At the time I wrote it I was in my early twenties and dating my first boyfriend who I lost my virginity to. Things change so here is an attempt at a revision. I’ve left some of the original “things” and just changed them. Others are completely obliterated and replaced by new information.

1. I am a woman femme.
2. Who rarely wears makeup. But owns a lot.
3. But has more than a passing interest in buying shoes. I’ve only bought 1 pair of shoes in the last 4 months. I don’t think that is excessive anymore.
4. Although, handbags have never done much for me. I have paid too much for a few leather bags in my old age.
5. I am a music snob.
6. This is due to 5 years in radio.
7. But I know my boyfriend thinks he knows more about music than I do. New boyfriend, new attitude, but Mr. Vanilla still has great taste.
8. He probably does.
9. I lost my virginity just over 3 9 years ago.
10. I am 23 29 now.
11. You do the math – subtraction is addition’s tricky friend.
12. We planned it in a very responsible manner.
13. Before losing my virginity I had kissed 2 girls.
14. And 2 boys.
15. One of those boys probably doesn’t count because it was during Spin the Bottle when I was 13.
16. It turns out that I am very orgasmic. I was still operating on the assumption that having an orgasm at all counted as very orgasmic. I know much more orgasmic people now.
17. I feel really bad for my friends that can’t get off during sex. Geez, I was a condescending twat.
18. Sometimes I wonder if they aren’t trying hard enough. Hey, me from 6 years ago, fuck you!
19. Or perhaps their boyfriends are just lousy in bed. Bitchy and heterosexist, nice one.
20. If you haven’t caught on yet, my boyfriend is excellent in bed. Still true.
21. I am Jewish.
22. That doesn’t have much bearing on my life, but I think it turns my boyfriend on.
23. And it means I call my grandmother “Bubbe”. She still hopes I’ll find a nice Jewish boy. I think she got over that hope, she just wants me to get married and start having babies.
24. Okay, I officially feel creepy talking about my family on a sex blog. Well, I got over that when I told my Dad about this blog.
25. I have a major thing for British accents.
26. They are an instant turn on. This is dreadfully cliche.
27. But it means that if you are British there is a strong chance I want to have phone sex with you. And if you have a few bucks a minute, I will also have phone sex with you regardless of your accent.
28. I also have a thing for the neurotic type. This seems to cross over with the British thing. As well as the Woody Allen thing.
29. I wrote a really bad poem about a neurotic guy when I was 17.
30. I still haven’t stopped trying to hook up with that same guy. I stopped when he moved to the West Bank instead of finishing law school.
31. I know fully well that it would be terrible sex, too.
32. I come up with ideas for projects much faster than I can produce them.
33. I never owned any proper lingerie before a few years ago my early twenties.
34. Now I have an extensive underwear collection.
35. My boyfriend calls them funderwear. I *do* keep dating men that have a penchant for puns. . .
36. I think I have a nice ass.
37. Folks seem to agree, especially the bums downtown. Did I really use the word “bums”?
38. I really enjoy having my butt rubbed, it is soothing and relaxing.
39. I have two cats. They have pretentious names based on literature.
40. I am pretentious.
41. This means that I can’t get turned on by stupid people.
42. Or people that use netspeak.
43. Things I am pretentious about include music, coffee, martinis, and film sex and cocktails.
44. Things I am not pretentious about include wine and books.
45. Although I still bristle at the idea of best sellers, I end up reading chick lit NPR recommended non-fiction when I am bored.
46. It is the literary equivilent of pop rocks.
47. Lately, I’ve been reading anything that Nerve.com recommends. I find it is a good way to read something sort of pervy without resorting to romance novels. Oh my god, how did anyone tolerate me when I wrote like this?
48. A cheap romance novel was probably the first thing I ever masturbated to. TRUE FACTS!
49. I wonder if it would still work? Probably.
50. I go to graduate school. I teach at a University.
51. It doesn’t seem to be as hard as everyone says it is. I’m probably just not working hard enough.
52. I like being tied up.
53. And being told what to do.
54. I guess that makes me a submissive.
55. I wish I had a larger bed. I have a King sized bed that was built by my sweetie!
56. Dirty talk gets me really hot. I don’t get enough of it.
57. You wouldn’t know any of this by looking at me.
58. Apparently, my default facial expression isn’t very kind or welcoming.
59. I have pedestrian rage, so when I walk down the street I tend to scowl.
60. I do have a lovely smile, though. I’ve been complimented on my dimples.
61. I almost had a threesome once but I chickened out. Well, I got over that pretty handily.
62. I really want to try again sometime with the right people.
63. I shock my friends and even casual acquaintances by extolling the virtues of anal sex.
64. I really am that passionate about it!
65. In my opinion, it helps to have a partner that is willing to receive as well as give.
66. Also, lots of lube! Put some on, when you have enough, add more!
67. I think I would make a good advice columnist.
68. I have been reading Savage Love since I was 15.
69. I just got contacts recently. I hate putting in contacts. Poking myself in the eye is a hard limit.
70. And now everyone is noticing that I have pretty eyes. It is a nice ego boost. Whatever, my glasses are hot.
71. I mentioned to a few friends that I am tracking when men check out my chest. Now my friends are pointing it out to me as well.
72. For being so interested in music, I don’t listen to it often enough while having sex.
73. Although, I did trick my boyfriend into making out to Boyz II Men once. He wasn’t pleased.
74. By way of revenge, he gave me head while Bauhaus was playing.
75. I pretended to be mad but I enjoyed the head way too much to care.
76. I am very perceptive of smell.
77. So, I often use different shower gels to remind me of people and experiences.
78. Speaking of, showering together is over-rated. It seems like someone is always standing outsite of the water getting cold. You know, showering together is what you make of it.
79. But, I have had my share of good experiences with it. They mostly involve blowjobs.
80. I once met a guy that said he would give up sex forever if he could be guaranteed to have someone to spoon with.
81. I kind of understand what he means – but I don’t think I could give up sex.
82. I have attempted to buy sexual favors with Monopoly money.
83. It almost worked.
84. But, no dice. I still haven’t gotten to watch two men together. Been there, done that, would do it again.
85. This is a pretty big fantasy of mine. Unfortunately, gay men, by definition, aren’t interested in helping me get off. Even if it is just watching. But queers of all flavors and sorts have helped me explore just plenty.
86. I have also never given oral sex to another woman. I haven’t done it lately. . . I should remedy that.
87. I think that lesbians are leary of me because I seem like a silly bi-curious girl am in an apparently het relationship.
88. I guess I am. Nonetheless, they shouldn’t be so picky about free oral sex.
89. I don’t understand cyber sex.
90. Don’t try to explain it, you won’t change my mind.
91. I have a lot of trouble finding good porn. I guess I need to actually pay for it. And you should pay for good porn too!
92. I once shaved my pussy completely.
93. It got very angry with me. So now I just keep things trimmed and shave the most pertinent parts.
94. Although I will admit that I get lazy about it since I am in a long distance relationship because I am lazy.
95. I rarely drink but when I do I get too randy for my own good. I frequently have a few drinks but almost never to excess. Drunkenness isn’t particularly sexy to me.
96. I own several way too many sex toys.
97. I have one small tatoo. I don’t regret it but it also doesn’t mean much to me anymore.
98. I voted for Kerry. And Obama. Duh.
99. I read about 20 35 sex blogs every day. And develop crushes on the writers.
100. I secretly wish that some of them had crushes on me.

I think the fascinating thing about blogging is that you present these snapshots of yourself and they just sit here. We tend to write in the present tense and then continue to evolve. I recognize that simply editing this list is, in itself, a disingenuous act because it is unlikely I’d start with many of the same ideas if I wrote 100 things from scratch again.

What are some of the biggest things that have changed about you since you first began your sexual exploration?  If you’re a writer, do you have old work that makes you cringe?

Pleasurists #134

  • Filed under: Sex
Tuesday
Jun 14,2011

 

Bound on Reflection by boykitten

 

Welcome to Pleasurists, a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. If you like what you see and want more of it be sure to follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #133? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #135? Be sure to read the submission guidelines and then use the submission form to submit before Sunday June 19th @ 11:59pm Pacific.

Want a shiny new toy? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Editor

Scarlet Lotus

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Books & Games

Adult DVDs & Porn

Lingerie

Miscellaneous

 

Pleasurists adult product review round-up

 

About Ellie



Ellie Lumpesse writes about sex, BDSM, relationships, non-monogamy, feminism, and rhetoric. In addition to blogging, she produces the Bedroom Radio sex podcast, is a phone slut for hire, and reviews sex toys.

This is the last time you will see her talk about herself in the third person.

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