I was having a chat with Nobilis, and he asked me that question. It seems like a simple question but it hit me hard and I wondered about it immediately. When I started blogging over 3 years ago I had many reasons – excitement, exhibitionism, and a big dose of validation.

Yep, I said it, I was looking for validation. It wasn’t a grand feminist act or a social experiment. I was a girl with a Bachelor’s degree, a 2.1 megapixel digital camera, and a long-distance boyfriend. He was the only lover I had ever had and I wanted the approval of others. I was, in the most neutral but honest sense of the phrase, an attention whore.

I still am.

Sure, I might go weeks where I only blog about blogging. Where I don’t intentionally try to titilate. Where no naked pictures, desperate for glowing praise surface, but I still meet the requirement. My boyfriend lives in the house now, I have had new lovers, and my cell phone takes better pics than my old camera did. I’m still an attention whore.

The frightening thing is that, like a junkie, it takes more to get a fix. I’m not impressed by “Ur hot”, now I want to hear “You’re smart”. And I do hear it, every day. Not just from the bloggers up above, but the random reader, even my clients. The feedback means the world to me but it also doesn’t mean a thing.

Writing is a process, not a product. I feel like if I learn something from writing, then it has been worthwhile. The ability to instruct others is just a really fabulous bonus. It builds a community that I am so proud to be part of.

So, what about that question in the title? The cop-out is to say that I try to be both. I won’t lie and say “I do what I do, and if you are turned on that is your business”. Of course I sometimes aim to titilate. I also aim to make people think. And here is the trick with me – thinking *is* sexy. I’m not content to rest on my laurels knowing that my cleavage or the story of what I did last night got someone hard/wet. By my standards, I’ve only been a sexy blogger if I pushed a tiny boundary in your brain.

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #139? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
You’re going to come for me.
“I imagined her, bound. Wrists behind her back, whimpering.”

Champagne Orgasms

“I cry out, begging for him to stop, begging him not to”

Tie one on
“He slipped his hands under my blouse and teased my nipples and breasts with his strong hands.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
The Look

More Sugasm
Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

I was talking to D just a moment ago (holy crap, why is he so hot?) and released some pent-up aggression and rage about sex blogging at him. Carry on – if you don’t hate me now, you might pretty soon.

Ellie: Yeah, I’m just feeling like I should go back to being a boring blog attention whore and stop trying to think
Ellie: ::giggle:: here are my tits, ooh I got fucked so hard last night
Ellie: that is the only thing anyone responds to
Ellie: not that I”m trying to elicit a response
D: I think it’s sexy when you think, and then include a picture of cum covered ass
Ellie: yeah, that was sort a big “fuck you” though, don’t you think?
D: I like the challenge of thinking with limited blood rushing to my penis
Ellie: lol
Ellie: I think I’m just being a bitch lately.
Ellie: Like I’m really bored by sex.
Ellie: Well, not sex, the way people talk about it.
Ellie: For pure titillation.
D: ok, I was confused for a minute
Ellie: Mostly, I read the Sugasm this week and only found 2 things I wanted to finish reading much less vote for.
Ellie: The sexual education is the same information I’ve heard a million times.
Ellie: The BDSM blogs mostly make me want to gouge my eyes out because of the aggressive takedown of the English language that they are trying to stage.
Ellie: and most of the single chicks with shitty webcam photos. . .ugh
Ellie: and I have no doubt that these people are all very interesting but they fucking conform to this silly set of memes and expectations
Ellie: sex blogging doesn’t feel any more exciting or revolutionary than food blogging
Ellie: but at least I read food blogs and think “hmmm, I want to try that recipe”

Now, I won’t argue with you that I am a total cunt here. Also a pretentious asshole. I remember when I first started this and it was fresh and exciting and who am I to begrudge someone else their early moments in the sun and the excitement and titillation of exhibitionism?

Oh yeah, I got fucked last night with my legs up over my head. Jay pounded me until I screamed. I’m sure it woke the neighbors.

Here is a blurry picture of my tits and about an eighth of my books:

Yep, still feels mundane. Sigh. . .

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #138? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
I can only be what I am.
“It’s strangely refreshing, to really submit and give up that control, and not have to make decisions.”

Over the Edge
“He tells me to hold still, in that soft, controlling voice of his.”

A Story Told Out of Order and Out of Character – Part 4
“You thought you could just come to my room and tease me?”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Sugar Bank

Editor’s Choice
A former slut examined

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #132? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Kink
“A bill outlawing the possession of “extreme pornography” is set to become law next week.”

M is for Mine
“You comment on my wetness.”

The Story Behind the Waxing
“I tend to go to people that I trust really know what they are doing when it comes to my pussy.”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
Keeley Hazell Regrets

Editor’s Choice
The sadistic impulse

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(Sugasm participants should re-post all the links above within a week. The following links may be excluded as long as you include all the above links.)

Thoughts on Sex and Relationships
Being the Receiver…
Desperate boy.

A Parity of Madams and Whores
Trapped
You say trannyboifag, I say trannyboifag

Sex Work
At Least My Vibrators Don’t Judge Me
Sex Worker Solidarity: Gracie

Erotic Writing and Experiences
Blowjob in the showers
Clarity

Drunk and horny
Flash #1 – Greedy
Two Minutes and 52 Seconds
Unicorn Sighting

Sex & Politics
Um. Pornography is in focus?

NSFW Pics, Videos & Audio

Another Gratuitous Picture Post
Back with HNT!
Half-Nekkid at the Beach
Lilaceous
Mirror Mirror
Monica – Drop On Jacuzzy
Pornsaint Kylie Ireland
Strange Sex Fantasies
Teen bobs on Ron Jeremy’s cock

Video: Long Distance Lovemaking

Sex News, Reviews & Interviews

Catalina loves Melvin Moten, Jr. (An interview with the fetish photographer behind Erocrush.com)
If You Were a Sex Toy, What Would You Be?
My IMsL 2008 Trip – Part 4
The Sexiest Form You Might Ever Fill Out
Shall We Play A Game?

BDSM & Fetish
Cerebral Trainee Subject: Susan
A day of torment (pt 2)
Dining Table Punishment Spanking
Dionysian Tales
Harmony Rose Is Dominated On The Training Of O
Other World Kingdom visit – Part 4
Submissive Little Darling

The Submissive Male Construct and Nice Guys
Weighty Matters

Sex Advice
A Little Lesson on Figging…
Sex Dates for Parents
Vaginal Fisting: What It Is and How to Do It

The best of this week’s blogs by the bloggers who blog them. Highlighting the top 3 posts as chosen by Sugasm participants. Want in Sugasm #131? Submit a link to your best post of the week using this form. Participants, repost the link list within a week and you’re all set.

This Week’s Picks
Gross Spelling Errors Turn Me Off
“Here are a few other word issues that come up in sex writing that throw me off and drive me crazy.”

L’Artiste

“I want time to sip my whisky, to drink you in as you unveil yourself, as you offer your body to my steady gaze.”

Learning My Limits (Part 1)
“It hurts. It’s gorgeous. ”

Mr. Sugasm Himself
24-Months of AVN Online, $0

Editor’s Choice
The Few, The Proud, The Pornless

More Sugasm

Join the Sugasm

See also: Fleshbot’s Sex Blog Roundup each Tuesday and Friday.

(more…)

Download Episode #14 of Bedroom Radio

Holy Cow! It is a new episode of Bedroom Radio!
Wherein I:
Talk about the sexy sexy parts of Sex 2.0
Play a great song by the Magnetic Fields (lyrics)
Get a serious spanking

Our websites:
Bedroom Radio – bedroomradio.blogspot.com
Ellie’s Blog – www.lumpesse.com
Ellie’s Twitter – www.twitter.com/ellie_lumpesse
Jay’s Blog – eternalapprentice.blogsome.com

Questions, comments, cock shots? lumpesse (at) gmail.com

People and things mentioned in the show:
Amber Rhea
Melissa Gira
Sex 2.0
Regina Lynn
Rachel Kramer Bussel
Kimberlee Cline
Cunning Minx
Sakura Sarashi
Mistress Maeve
Viviane
Furry Girl
Match

I’ve been reading everyone’s Sex 2.0 wrap-ups the last few days and been trying to decide if I should podcast my thoughts or write them. I figure I’ll do both and you can hear more detail in the podcasted version that I’ll get to a bit later.

The event was an interesting one for me personally because I have never appeared publicly in relation to this blog or my work in phone sex. I was both excited and nervous but luckily I met some of the most amazing people during the process and therefore felt totally safe.

The weekend began for us on Friday afternoon when Jay and I arrived at our hotel, I had time for a quick cleaning up after the car ride and then ran to the airport to pick up Melissa who I’ve been waiting to meet forever. You know how you meet some people and they are nothing like you expected them to be based on their writing? Well, this was not the situation with Melissa. She is bright, cheerful, sarcastic, and carries this amazing presence given her tiny frame. After getting Melissa to the hotel I met up with Match for a drink before the pole dancing party.

The pole party was a blast, again I expected to feel self-conscious and worried but everyone was gorgeous and sexy and uninhibited and that sort of thing rubs off on you. This is where I met Mistress Maeve, who happens to be one of the most stunning women I’ve ever seen. Unfortunately, she doesn’t do pictures but here is everyone at the party (excluding myself and Maeve.)

While I was pole dancing, Jay was at the Clermont Lounge with a bunch of people from the conference. The original plan was to head over there after the party was over but I was so exhausted that we headed back to the hotel instead. We went to a lot of trouble to get a nice hotel room with a whirlpool tub and all sorts of neat features but we didn’t use them at all and instead just crashed. I was surprised to realize that I had actually gotten sore from pole dancing. The front of my thighs were in rough shape because I guess that a lot of what I had been doing was basically squats.

We woke up bright and early, had some breakfast at the hotel, and headed to the conference. I got to see 1763 for the first time and was pretty impressed. When they said that the conference was happening at a dungeon, they weren’t just messing around. This place was, as they like to say on the internet, serious business. There were several rooms outfitted with lots of different equipment and the central space was huge and featured a giant shower in one corner (that Viviane quipped was the size of a New York studio apartment.) We arrived as Amber was giving the opening comments and then got to see Dacia give her keynote remarks. At this point it was time for the first session and I chose to attend Melissa’s. She trotted out her bag of tricks from being a sexual health educator and assigned us to perform roleplays of various sex and internet problems that people might have. I got the joy of performing a creative piece that Match and I developed to deal with jealousy that insignificant others might have over blog fans. I don’t remember much of it other than Match cracking everyone up with his request that I “@ him while I do it“. This was the first sign that Twitter was going to be a driving force of the weekend.

The next session I went to was run by Elizabeth Wood and was on Creating the Sex Commons. This was definitely the most thought-provoking and emotionally difficult sessions that I attended because we talked about responsibility. And I thought a lot about my responsibilities as a sex positive person when I step into a classroom and when I open a blog post and how (if ever) those two things are meant to interact. (I have written about this before). I also thought a lot about my responsibilities to my clients and friends and this session made me realize what important group of people were missing from Sex 2.0 – the clients. We were many of us there sex workers but none of us were paid consumers and I really wished that perspective had been present. Maybe next year!

After lunch I attended a session by the lovely Cunning Minx of Poly Weekly. Since Jay and I have struggled with our open relationship I thought that some tips might be helpful and Minx was encouraging and helpful while remaining quite realistic. I appreciated her sense of humor and grace in discussing icky emotions such as jealousy.

After this session, it was time for my own. I felt under-prepared but the vibe at the conference was so pleasant and open that I was really excited and confident anyway. In preparation, I had surveyed some phone sex operators and asked them about their personal phone sex habits and histories. I found out some interesting tidbits about the industry and how the average operator feels about phone sex. Some said that they regularly get off during calls, some said that they would never ever get off because phone sex doesn’t turn them on at all. Some said that they have NEVER done phone sex before being hired as a professional, others had done it recreationally for years. These statistics were interesting to my audience but what they really wanted to know was the nitty gritty of the job. How to get started, how to promote yourself, what to do to get the caller to tell you what they want and make them happy. I enjoyed sharing my expertise and it seems like there might be some more bloggers cum phone sex operators on the scene in the near future. Certainly a lot of women decide to do phone sex (as themselves or as a character) and the blog and promotional efforts come later. This is a logical way to go about things but I’m really grateful for the route that I ended up taking. This blog is too important to me to be reduced to a pure marketing effort. The minimal planning that I did for the session went out the window when I realized that we had run out of time just on me answering questions.

The last session that I attended was Viviane’s sex blogging session. Since I’ve been doing this for a few years, I had covered most of the ground that she did but it was amazingly informative. I can imagine that people just starting out with blogging got an amazing leg up because Viviane was sharing things with them that it took me *years* to figure out. Also, she is hot and amazing and brilliant so I wanted to bask in her presence.

Honestly, the day ended too soon. As it was wrapping up I was wishing that there was more but luckily the social opportunities had just begun. More on that later but for now check out Sakura Sarashi’s account of the evening and Sunday as she was with me the entire time.