Recently I’ve been involved in relaunching a kink group in my town. It has been . . . challenging to say the least. I’ve realized that in the sex blogging world, I always so easily gravitated to the people I had something in common with. It was never just sex but some sort of nerdiness about sexuality, a concern with feminism, an academic interest in kink. One of those things usually lined up and bam, new friend.

In the kink community, especially locally, it isn’t so easy. I don’t have a repository of writing to learn about someone from. Fet stalking can get you part of the way but only so far. And, as a leader in a group, at the end of the day I’m in interaction with people that I really don’t have much in common with. Some days I really struggle with it. I don’t always feel that enjoying hitting or being hit with similar objects is enough common ground to build a friendship on.

Has anyone else experienced this before? How do you handle it? Where are my nerds at?