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I’m doing something today that I think is pretty unprecedented. I’m going to tell my father about my blog. I won’t give him the link (unless he decides that he wants it) but I will notify him of what I do here and have accomplished. This is the letter I wrote. I would love some feedback before I send it. I intend to follow-up with a phone call directly after sending the email.

Dear Daddy,
I have a secret that I’ve been keeping from you for a long time. And I want you to know. I’m not ashamed of this secret. In fact, I have many friends and acquaintances that know about it. I haven’t told you before partially because I wasn’t sure you would want to know and partially because I was a little afraid of how you would react.

I’ve realized recently that you’ve always supported my endeavors and been proud of me. I think that when I share these accomplishments with you, you will be proud of me again.

In March of 2005, while I was still dating C, I started a website. Since then it has grown. I update it several times a week. The topic of the website is sex and sexuality. It includes general commentary as well as personal stories about my life. The common terminology used is that I have a “sex blog”. Hundreds of other websites link to my site. I’ve made friends around the whole world and I feel lucky to be respected in this community.

I’ve been interviewed by members of the press on topics ranging from monogamy to phone sex. I’ve been published on other websites and been paid for my writing. I’ve also presented about my experiences at conferences. About a year-and-a-half ago I began working as a phone sex operator. I run the phone line myself and many of my clients are people that read my website.

I write using a pseudonym and I never show my face in pictures. I am sure that as you are reading this, you are very concerned about my future. You probably are worried that if I am discovered, my career will be ruined. I have decided that the part of me that is a sexual educator is important. I intend to pursue a PhD as I always told you but it will be in a field or an English department that is accepting of my perspective and who I am. I hope that I will be able to contribute to the wonderful tradition of scholars that are looking at the internet, sexuality, sex work, and non-traditional forms of sexual expression.

The reason I am telling you this now is because I love you. It is also because I am so proud of everything that I have accomplished in this arena. I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time but I was afraid of what you might say. I am glad to answer any of your questions about this.

You may be wondering about the details of my site. I am willing to give you the link to it, but since I am your child, reading some of the sexual material and seeing some of the pictures may make you uncomfortable. It is entirely up to you. Instead of the link, I could send you excerpts of some of my writing so that you can have an idea of what I am doing. Or, you never have to look at any of it.

I trust you and you have always trusted me. I know that when you think about this carefully, you will be proud of me. I am, with due dilligence, protecting myself and I’m very cognizant of my own safety. You are welcome to discuss this with [step-Mom] or you might choose not to, that is entirely up to you as well. Thank you and please let me know if you have any questions or worries.

Love,
Ellie

Edited to add:
I’ve told my father with this precise email. He responded with humor, love, and grace. He told me that he is always proud of me and that while he didn’t want the link to this site, he did want to read some of my writing. What posts do you think I should send? I have a few ideas but, wow, there is a lot here!

I am beyond elated at how this went. I was not expecting a negative response but was expecting at least a bit of trepidation or worry. Wow.

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