Welcome back!
I’m doing something today that I think is pretty unprecedented. I’m going to tell my father about my blog. I won’t give him the link (unless he decides that he wants it) but I will notify him of what I do here and have accomplished. This is the letter I wrote. I would love some feedback before I send it. I intend to follow-up with a phone call directly after sending the email.
Dear Daddy,
I have a secret that I’ve been keeping from you for a long time. And I want you to know. I’m not ashamed of this secret. In fact, I have many friends and acquaintances that know about it. I haven’t told you before partially because I wasn’t sure you would want to know and partially because I was a little afraid of how you would react.
I’ve realized recently that you’ve always supported my endeavors and been proud of me. I think that when I share these accomplishments with you, you will be proud of me again.
In March of 2005, while I was still dating C, I started a website. Since then it has grown. I update it several times a week. The topic of the website is sex and sexuality. It includes general commentary as well as personal stories about my life. The common terminology used is that I have a “sex blog”. Hundreds of other websites link to my site. I’ve made friends around the whole world and I feel lucky to be respected in this community.
I’ve been interviewed by members of the press on topics ranging from monogamy to phone sex. I’ve been published on other websites and been paid for my writing. I’ve also presented about my experiences at conferences. About a year-and-a-half ago I began working as a phone sex operator. I run the phone line myself and many of my clients are people that read my website.
I write using a pseudonym and I never show my face in pictures. I am sure that as you are reading this, you are very concerned about my future. You probably are worried that if I am discovered, my career will be ruined. I have decided that the part of me that is a sexual educator is important. I intend to pursue a PhD as I always told you but it will be in a field or an English department that is accepting of my perspective and who I am. I hope that I will be able to contribute to the wonderful tradition of scholars that are looking at the internet, sexuality, sex work, and non-traditional forms of sexual expression.
The reason I am telling you this now is because I love you. It is also because I am so proud of everything that I have accomplished in this arena. I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time but I was afraid of what you might say. I am glad to answer any of your questions about this.
You may be wondering about the details of my site. I am willing to give you the link to it, but since I am your child, reading some of the sexual material and seeing some of the pictures may make you uncomfortable. It is entirely up to you. Instead of the link, I could send you excerpts of some of my writing so that you can have an idea of what I am doing. Or, you never have to look at any of it.
I trust you and you have always trusted me. I know that when you think about this carefully, you will be proud of me. I am, with due dilligence, protecting myself and I’m very cognizant of my own safety. You are welcome to discuss this with [step-Mom] or you might choose not to, that is entirely up to you as well. Thank you and please let me know if you have any questions or worries.
Love,
Ellie
Edited to add:
I’ve told my father with this precise email. He responded with humor, love, and grace. He told me that he is always proud of me and that while he didn’t want the link to this site, he did want to read some of my writing. What posts do you think I should send? I have a few ideas but, wow, there is a lot here!
I am beyond elated at how this went. I was not expecting a negative response but was expecting at least a bit of trepidation or worry. Wow.


If you've wondered what it would be like to get me on the phone, no need to wonder anymore!
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11 Responses for "This should have been the hardest thing to write, but it wasn’t"
I think this is well-handled.
I came out to my family almost three years ago about my blog and about the fact that I was a sex worker (at the time it was present tense). Though my family loves me unconditionally and I knew they wouldn’t disown me or stop speaking to me or anything, it was still really hard.
They were afraid for my safety and definitely shocked about what they saw as me violating my own privacy on my sex blog – there’s a definite generational divide in concepts of privacy as they relate to the internet (and I come from a family of writers too). They dig some creative googling and found the blog, and they were also really upset to see that I had blogged about my outing conversation with them, and they felt violated by that.
I think the thing that I didn’t think about carefully enough, because I was very focused on what I do as part of my work and part of my career, was that by outing myself I was actually involving my family in my sex life. As you’ve pointed out in your letter, this is a weird and uncomfortable thing. Later, it seemed like kind of an aggressive act on my behalf. My father was adamant that he should be able to read the blog, because “you write publicly. I am the public.” It was really hard to negotiate all that and I think I failed at the initial approach in a lot of ways, but I’m also not really sure what I could have done to make it better.
I, of course, am not trying to dissuade you from coming out to your dad – I think this is wonderful and would love it if more people stepped forward and claimed their blogs in a public way. Just a few notes about my own experience with this.
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From someone who’s still dealing with the fallout from this sort of thing almost eight years later: PLEASE don’t tell him unless you’re damn sure he’ll be okay with it. If he isn’t, it will haunt you for years, and make you a stranger to people you love.
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Ellie, your letter was beautiful. The confidence in yourself and the love and trust you show for him are so very apparent. I’m thrilled that he responded the way he did.
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Wonderful letter (just now seeing it) and so glad to hear he responded so positively! That’s great news!
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I’m so damn proud of you, Ellie. No wonder you are such a wonderful person, with at dad like that. Congratulations, and you should be proud of your accomplishments.
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I saw the Twits as this happened. It sounds like you have a really wonderful relationship with your father. that he honors and respects your choices. I couldn’t have ever told my parents and my sister doesn’t know about this part of my life.
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Go you.
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Wow girl, you’ve got some gumption to do this and I’m so happy for you that it went well. You’re great. : )
When I first started this blog, my mother saw it on my laptop and went to the url later that day. She really had a break down over it and started to question the girl she thought she knew.
It was hard at the time but since, shes forgotten about it so its better now and I think she respects me as an adult now, all be it a little one.
♥la petite
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Good for you.
Isn’t it funny how we think we have our parents figured, and then they surprise us by acting in ways contrary to what we expect?
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Ellie,
I cried when I read your letter. It is brave telling something like this to your family, not knowing their reaction. I don’t sex blog at all, and I wouldn’t want my family reading my blog. But you should be proud. And I’m proud of you for so many things. And this sex blog, while great, is just the tip of the iceberg about the things I love about you and respect and admire you for, and am proud of for you.
I love you bunches, hope to see you soon. Hopefully the weather will cool down some more and we can dine al fresco at my “farm”.
xoxo
Rae[Reply]
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