If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. You might also be interested in my sex podcast, Bedroom Radio. Thanks for visiting!
I have a pretty personal investment in this next set of responses because they come from Jay, my amazing lover, best-friend, and companion. There are a lot of people that blog in isolation from their romantic partners and that makes me sad. I deeply treasure the honesty we share and the fact that he loves all of me, unconditionally. I am lucky for that.
Jay is an incredibly special person and his answers here were not news to me. But reading them has made me feel closer to him. His memories and recollections are, like many of the men I have featured, heart-breaking, thought-provoking, and raw.

When was the first time you remember being aware of masculinity? How old were you? What was the cultural climate or influence?
My earliest childhood memories (ages 2-3) are of my father physically abusing my mother. The ensuing conversations that transpired between my mother and I told me in no uncertain terms all of the negative traits that made a man.
Growing up with a single mother and 2 sisters I never really trusted any men enough to let them have a positive effect on my view of masculinity. As a child I was more submissive and feminine than most of my peers and certainly less masculine than my tom-boy sister.
Do you think of yourself as masculine? Why or why not?
Now I feel a lot more masculine than I did as a child, but I’m still a very passive person in general.
I know that many people have read about my sexual experiences online and have commented to the effect of “You’re such a man, you know what you want and you go after it.” Of course they don’t know me and the fact that I am a kind, shy, passive, gentle person (or at least they look over those facts as I do try to write about them).
How does your masculinity relate to your sexuality (be it your orientation, preferences, or expressions)?
I’m the quiet, shy, rebellious type (wait, is there a type like that?). I look for any way I can to play with people’s traditional concepts whether it is family values, religion, or sexuality/gender. My orientation is bisexual, although right now I’m swinging back toward heteroflexible.
In kink play, BDSM, and parties I prefer to dress up as a woman and take a dominant role (which is a lot of fun since I have a very full beard). At a recent party I was dressed as Jackie O and spent most of my “play time” whipping the bejesus out of a tiny little woman in front of a rather large audience… if that gives you any idea ;)


If you've wondered what it would be like to get me on the phone, no need to wonder anymore!
(1.99/min.)



Posting tweet...
15 Responses for "Musings on Masculinity: Jay"
I’m the quiet, shy, rebellious type
Yeah, I think there is. It’s just, with the shyness and quietness, no one’s really aware of us.
Thanks for your answers, Jay. I’m just loving this series so very much.
Wow, just wow. I love the creativity you’ve brought into your masculinity and sexuality.
I really resonated with you and your sister’s different early relationships with masculinity as an entity. I know I’ve coped with certain unsafe situations by gravitating toward masculinity within myself, and yet when masculinity is perceived as the unsafe thing, it makes perfect sense to move away from it.
Thank you so very much.
Oh, and your ass is something beautiful to behold.
Thank you for both for the comments.
I still don’t really have a handle on masculinity. There are a lot of childhood concepts that I was never a part of. Growing up I had no “heroes” aside from my mom. I’ve always felt different enough from everyone else that masculinity and femininity were both somewhat foreign concepts. I think that’s the reason that I tend to dabble in both when I “play”.
You have me wondering about some of my own early influences. Though I was raised by two parents, for much of my early life my dad was away for lengths at a time because he worked construction all over, so up until I was 10 or 11 my mom was primarily responsible for me and my siblings, and I’ve always connected more with her than I have with my dad (though that’s changing a lot in the last several years).
Yeah Gabe, that’s very interesting. I wonder how many other guys have had their masculinity stunted by something like that. Or girls, for that matter, that grew up with a single father (similar to Ellie).
“In kink play, BDSM, and parties I prefer to dress up as a woman and take a dominant role (which is a lot of fun since I have a very full beard). At a recent party I was dressed as Jackie O and spent most of my “play time” whipping the bejesus out of a tiny little woman in front of a rather large audience… if that gives you any idea ;)”
That’s awesome!
And you do have a really, really nice ass. Yum!
Gotta concur with the hot ass. Also, I definitely see how growing up with that would affect your “masculinity”. Good to see you in touch with it so well.
I like to think that I “got in touch with my masculinity well,” but deep down I’m really a gender bender. I just like wearing a beard because it makes my face more acceptable to look at.
Thanks for all the ass comments. I was actually asleep when she took that picture, so it’s no pose (yes, even with my arm contorted like that).
*swoon*
You’re both amazing.
Trackbacks
Leave a reply