That part is something I can really resonate with. I’m an incurable girl watcher. Even when I’m not looking for someone to hook up with, I’m always noticing the amazing amounts of gorgeous women all around me. They’re everywhere! I feel really lucky that I have a girlfriend with whom I can share this part of myself. She’s even said I’ve made her more aware not just of women, but of the details about them. How they style their hair, what sort of shapes their hips are, what their clothes say. All those little things that give you a bit more of a clue about who she is. The little things that lead to falling in love five or six times a week. I’m really lucky to be able not to just experience that, but to have it appreciated and encouraged.

I can’t remember NOT being aware of masculinity. Many of my early memories are of my Moms brother and his wife who lived next door. He was big on bodybuilding and was clear and vocial about what a man and a woman should should be. He was more than a little “caveman” in his thinking. The rest of my family and most of the others I know were more in step with the times, but even at that, roles were pretty clearly defined. Our extended family would often take trips together where the men would go fishing and the women would shop. Even at the preschool age I would ask why, I, “a man” was going shopping. They said I would get to go with the men when I got a little older. And I did. While not a caveman, my Dad was still a product of the times. He would take me with him often…to the auto parts store and the hardwear store. (I still love going to “Dom Depot”) When my Mom was in the hospital we, as a male family, had to have a grandma come over to cook and clean for us.
Even with that I knew girls were of more interest to me than boys and I spent much more time with the neighborhood girls than boys. And playing “show and tell” was just one of the reasons. While I got called sissy and even fag a good deal I never had any doubt about what I liked and who had it and who didn’t.

Do you think of yourself as masculine? Why or why not?

I do, but not in the context of the “caveman” or even the “father knows best”. I see myself more of a reanasonce man. I want the women in my life to be eduacated and enlightened, wether they are a bar wench or the queen or both. I admit to retaining some issues from youth. I can’t help it that I still find it much easer to cut grass that to wash dishes. I can however cook if I can ever get my wife and our girlfriend out of the kitchen at the same time. I do see men as protector still, but know enough to share that duty with women. My wife and I are currently sharing the finer points of hunting and shooting with our girlfriend.
In life and in the bedroom (or whatever room works at the time) we are all equal partners. We each bring something different to the table (or bed) and its all good.

How does your masculinity relate to your sexuality (be it your orientation, preferences, or expressions)?

Being into BDSM and poly has been a great way to express my desire to be “lord of the manor” as well as “sex toy”(at different times) without taking, or giving up, equality in the relationship. In both BDSM and poly communacation and trust are acknolwaged as paramont and while men may be from Mars we need to be able to hear and express the needs and feelings of thoses involved. “Real men” should be able to do this.

This is a fascinating interview with a man about masculinity! I have asked my yahoo group members to review your post and think about answering these questions for themselves. Our group is called “Celebrating Love and Sacred Sexuality” or CLASS_USA@yahoogroups.com, and I invite you to join the group and the fascinating conversations we have there! I look forward to future installments on your masculinity musings. :)

Lovingly,
Inara