The last few days weren’t exactly easy. C has been very sick and was out of communication with me. I assumed the worst. I was wrong.

We had a very fruitful conversation last night and I feel a lot better about all of this. It is hard to look at him delaying moving in with me as anything other than a setback but, I’m starting to see how it makes sense. He isn’t mad at me at all, in fact if he is feeling better, I am going to see him this weekend. His goal right now is to give me some emotional distance to explore my feelings for other people. In particular, he likes that J is around to help me through this experience.

For a few days, I wasn’t very capable of being physical with J. He is very sweet and didn’t pressure me at all but it felt strange since our relationship had been so intense up until that point. Last night I was finally able to get back to things sexually and it felt wonderful.

Knowing that C means it when he says he isn’t mad at me, that I will still have him in my life during this exploration and that we both have some thinking to do gives me immense confidence. Meanwhile, I’m so lucky to have a man as caring and understanding as J to be with me right now. He just smiled at me as I am writing this and it warms my heart. He and I both have a lot of sexual exploration to do and I’m glad we will get to do it together.

Do I think this will all be easy? No way. I might be crying again tomorrow. But for this moment I feel good – I have the love of two wonderful men. J is patient enough to be with me at this time and C is patient enough to step back and wait until I know what I need. We’re all very lucky to have each other.

I promise my next post will be a filthy, graphic description of kinky sex and no more of this Hallmark card stuff.