The best of the blogs by the bloggers who blog them (this week starting with the letter ‘S’):

• Sex Type Thing (chaosnoir.blogspot.com)
• Six Girls Skinny-dipping on Abby Winters (iloveabbeywinters.com)
• Coach T…..Chapter Two (whatsexmaycome.blogspot.com)
• Sometimes You Just Miss Having A Penis (berkeleybiboy.blogspot.com)
• Strapping One On? (alwaysarousedgirl.blogspot.com)
• Tangled up (lumpesse.com)
• The Listening Brief (gentlygently.blogspot.com)
• True Secret: A Night With A Star (secretbrain.blogspot.com)
• Vixen, In All Her Sultry, Devilish, Glory (tirepaddle.com)
• Brett and Hiromi interview themselves (sexblo.gs)
• Hot teen lesbian sex on Sapphic Erotica (simply-sapphicerotica.com)
• Condom Conversation… (shayssexcolumn)
• Cherished (ambientstorm.blogspot.com)
• Dante’s Guide to Cybersex–Part II: Descriptive Writing (damneddante.blogspot.com)
• Darkness (nyc-urban-gypsy.blogspot.com)
• Exactly where I want you… (emergingontheotherside.blogspot.com)
• Expectations (swelteringcelt.com)
• Father Knows Best (theholidaylife.blogspot.com)
• Fucking Wifey To Make Me Jealous (radicalvixen.com)
• How do you jack-off? (whatsyourpleasure.blogspot.com)
• Join the Sugasm?
• More of Sugasm #18 here…

Remember how I mentioned last week that I got tied up with some black rope? Well, I’m still spending a lot of time thinking about it and so is J.

J tied me up at the ankles and wrists and then lashed my wrists next to my knees. It was a bit like this except I was on my back with my legs straight up in the air.

The procedure and ceremony that had to go into it was amazing and completely breathtaking. J spends a lot of time claiming to be a novice and acting less sexually experienced than he is. But, when it comes down to it, he takes complete ownership of his desire and enjoyment when we are in bed together. During this particular encounter he worked silently and efficiently as he tied me up. With each looping of the rope around my ankles or wrists, my heart beat faster and I felt myself getting wetter.

There was something delicious and utterly terrifying about what was going on. With my legs and arms finally bound I felt I had no outlet at all for my sexual energy. I felt like no more than a bundle of nerves and warm flesh at the mercy of J. I longed for him to touch me but I didn’t dare to ask – in fact I apparently remained silent the entire encounter. I could swear I said a few things but J claims I just stared at his face the entire time.

He took a long time to decide to touch me instead spending long moments with one hand on my ankles shifting my legs as he pleased. He inspected my body up close, staring in a way that should have made me incredibly uncomfortable. Instead it just heightened my anticipation. Then he looked at me and with a remarkable glint in his eyes said, “You don’t just look helpless, you really are helpless.” I felt this sudden terror and realized that I was finally *in* it, I could feel the drama we were acting out and I loved riding the sensation.

As I stared into J’s eyes he slid his cock inside me, resting my legs against his chest. As he pounded into me, I was riveted in the moment. I felt as if I could see myself from the outside and as if I was watching him from a different place as well. I know that people talk about “subspace” and I’m not sure if it was that, but it was something different than I’ve ever felt before – an intellectual distance in order to secure my sanity in this moment of intense subordination of will.

After a period of time, J asked me where he should come on me. Without waiting for my answer, he pulled off his condom, dropped my legs and came on my face. I must have looked stunned because he scrambled for the ropes and after untying me quickly held me and asked if I was alright.

It turns out that my look of terror never really subsisted and he had been worried about me, that I was about to crack. As he held me, I explained that I was thrilled and hadn’t even considered using my safe word. He admit that the fear in my eyes and the power he felt had been a huge turn-on. As he held me, he was grinning like a Cheshire cat – his face became undeniably and unrelentingly handsome in that moment. J is always a handsome man but he was radiating such confidence and beauty in that moment that he almost looked like a different person.

I can’t wait to do it again, next time we’ll take pictures.

The last few days weren’t exactly easy. C has been very sick and was out of communication with me. I assumed the worst. I was wrong.

We had a very fruitful conversation last night and I feel a lot better about all of this. It is hard to look at him delaying moving in with me as anything other than a setback but, I’m starting to see how it makes sense. He isn’t mad at me at all, in fact if he is feeling better, I am going to see him this weekend. His goal right now is to give me some emotional distance to explore my feelings for other people. In particular, he likes that J is around to help me through this experience.

For a few days, I wasn’t very capable of being physical with J. He is very sweet and didn’t pressure me at all but it felt strange since our relationship had been so intense up until that point. Last night I was finally able to get back to things sexually and it felt wonderful.

Knowing that C means it when he says he isn’t mad at me, that I will still have him in my life during this exploration and that we both have some thinking to do gives me immense confidence. Meanwhile, I’m so lucky to have a man as caring and understanding as J to be with me right now. He just smiled at me as I am writing this and it warms my heart. He and I both have a lot of sexual exploration to do and I’m glad we will get to do it together.

Do I think this will all be easy? No way. I might be crying again tomorrow. But for this moment I feel good – I have the love of two wonderful men. J is patient enough to be with me at this time and C is patient enough to step back and wait until I know what I need. We’re all very lucky to have each other.

I promise my next post will be a filthy, graphic description of kinky sex and no more of this Hallmark card stuff.

Can this work out? Is it too good to be true? Do I deserve the affection of two wonderful men at the same time? For now these questions batter my psyche almost constantly but I just keep talking to C and J about how I feel. In turn they keep shocking me with their kindness, empathy, and love. Could I be the luckiest girl in the world? I’m not sure but I defy you to present me with someone happier.

Could something I wrote less than 18 hours ago possibly look more ironic/prophetic/depressing than these words? Warning to readers – this blog is about to take a pretty emo turn for the worse.

On Friday night J told me that he loves me. This made me very happy but it also worried me so I knew I needed to tell C about it. He told me that he couldn’t handle that and I should stop seeing J.

That should be the end of the story, right? My dear sweet boyfriend has been very understanding so far and if he doesn’t want to share my heart with another man, he should be able to say so, right? I would be a monster to give up what we have when I’m so close to everything that I want.

I wish it were that simple. The thought of hurting J tore my heart in half. I begged C to think of a way that we could make it all work. More than that, I told him I was terrified that this would all happen again. Maybe there is something about me that lets me love more than one person and it is what I need in my life.

C was supposed to move in with me this month – that has been put on hold. He suggested we take a “break” so that I can be with J and find myself. His understanding was almost too much for me. I wanted him to cry and beg and scream and demand my respect and attention. He was just so. . . resigned to it.

We aren’t out of communication, he still loves me and we are still best friends, this isn’t a breakup. It still feels like my world is shattering, though. We both have a lot to figure out – maybe I’ll realize that I love only him and that is more than enough for me. Maybe he’ll realize that he can share my heart as well as my body with another man as long as what we have is strong.

Maybe I am a hideous monster for so badly mistreating two people that I care about. To answer my questions above (and below).

I’m not sure yet.

It certainly was.

I really don’t.

Maybe I still am.

I thought that finally fucking someone else would make this blog way more interesting. It probably would if I could be assed to write about it. Computing hasn’t been a high priority lately and the semester at school started so I’m a few weeks behind on email and blog comments. The bits of podcast I have recorded are going obsolete so I have to scrap my draft for Bedroom Radio #10 and come up with something else. Enough whining, whats been going on? Well. . .

The past week and a half has been really exciting and fascinating. Laying my head in J’s lap with my cell on speakerphone while we both talk to C (and they make fun of me together) was probably the surreal highlight of the week. J and I have been spending a lot of time together getting to know eachother and I’ll be the first to admit that a bulk of that time has been spent in bed.

I get the distict feeling that he is totally in awe of me, which is a remarkable place to be in a relationship. The sex has been entirely fantastic and such a whirlwind that I’m hard-pressed to focus on one particular incident. Although, if I had to pick, being tied up with thirty feet of black rope probably tops the list – I suspect he would concur.

One of the best things about J is that he, like me, seems content to dissect and talk about sex ad infinitum. We’ve spent many a happy hour with our limbs tangled up, my head on his chest, doing the instant replay of what just went down between us. Sure, we were both there but I like saying things like, “You had the sexiest look on your face when you were biting my nipple.” I also like hearing things like, “You made a great noise when I brushed my finger over your clit.” We usually keep up this dialogue about the sex that just transpired until we both get turned on again.

Can this work out? Is it too good to be true? Do I deserve the affection of two wonderful men at the same time? For now these questions batter my psyche almost constantly but I just keep talking to C and J about how I feel. In turn they keep shocking me with their kindness, empathy, and love. Could I be the luckiest girl in the world? I’m not sure but I defy you to present me with someone happier.

As you know I’ve taken a few days to figure out what to write here. Before I write it, I need to establish a few facts that some readers might know and some might not.

1. I was a virgin when I met C and had basically never been touched by a man before. Kisses during spin the bottle in middle school were more or less the extent of it.

2. Because of this, I have changed a lot sexually in the time that I’ve been with C (3 and a half years now).

3. He and I have decided that our relationship doesn’t need to be monogamous to be lasting as long as we communicate. At this point it doesn’t seem like he is that interested in other partners (my libido is *way* stronger than his).

Okay, with that exposition out of the way, I can tell my news.

I met an amazing man and between Monday and Wednesday we spent an awful lot of time together and it was completely delicious. I’m having a lot of trouble deciding which facts to tell you about J and what details to relay because so much seems significant. So, I’ll start at the beginning of our first date and go from there.

J and I had planned to meet up at a dessert place as we had both already eaten dinner at home. To be quite honest, the first bit of time together felt awkward. But it felt awkward in a very good way. The nervous tension didn’t seem to come from having nothing to say to eachother but rather way too much and struggling with which words should make it out of our mouths. So, I did what I usually do in a situation like that. I put my mouth on auto-pilot in order to thrust the conversation forward. Of course my voicec gets high and nervous and I speak too quickly but given a mundane subject (“all about my cats”, “specific details of a meal I ate in Turkey”, “why people in my library science classes are idiots”, etc.) I can craft a nearly endless stream of speech to fill any conversational lull. Doesn’t it sound charming?

Amazingly, J thought it was charming and mistook my anxious verbal diarhea for intelligence. When the restaurant closed up, we didn’t want to part for the night and moved onto a bar and then another bar which we managed to close out. I want to make it clear at this point that alcohol had no impact on our evening. I had one drink in 2 hours at the first bar and sipped a drink at the second but forgot about it and left it more or less full. I was just too engaged in the conversation to pay attention to my cocktail.

After closing time at the bar, the night should have been over. Isn’t 6 hours plenty of time for a first date? No, it isn’t. We walked around the area for a moment, sitting down by a fountain and talking about where we could go next. Despite being January, it was incredibly warm outside, probably in the low fifties. So, I grabbed his hand and declared that I would take him on a walking tour of campus. J is relatively new to the area and hadn’t seen the campus before – I’ve been a student here for over 5 years and know the stories about all of the pretty 200-year-old buildings. We walked around holding hands forestalling the inevitable. I felt like there was electricity running through my body and my voice was audibly catching as I ran through the campus facts that I could conjure.

As we stood on the steps of built-in-the 1960s totalitarian monstrosity of a classroom building, I gestured to the dorm I lived in my freshman year. He was holding my hand and standing very near to me and I don’t know if he was looking at me or the building as I pointed out the illuminated roof and the revolving restaurant on top. My words ran out of steam as he began tracing his fingertips across the palm of my hand. I could feel my heart beating in my chest and was sure that it was so loud he could hear it as well. Just when the moment became too nervously delicious and unbearable to go on, he pulled me to him and kissed me.

I’d like to say there were immediate sparks and it was perfect and wonderful but I’m not quite there yet. As much as I had been waiting for that kiss, it sent my brain into a spin. My mind was going crazy for the first two minutes as I processed my reality, “Oh god,” I thought, “I’m kissing someone and it isn’t C. This isn’t how things are supposed to go! Shit, it feels sort of numb like kissing does in dreams. Why isn’t my body reacting to this? What is wrong? Maybe there isn’t chemistry between us after all! J’s lips feel different. Should I stop kissing him?”

It is no wonder that I couldn’t enjoy the kiss at first with all of these thoughts swirling through my head. And then the tension cracked. I don’t know what happened to cause it. Perhaps J pulled me closer or caressed my hair. He did something that pulled me out of my solipsistic internal monologue and reminded me to my body again. And here my body was, standing in the moonlight in the arms of an incredibly sexy and charming man and his mouth was on my mouth and it felt wonderful. I told my thoughts to shut up, I moaned into his lips and I melted.

Big, amazing, sexy, wonderful news. Still can’t believe it happened. More once I finally come off the cloud.

I thought it would be appropriate if the first thing I posted this year was some of the things I was proud of writing last year. So, I chart for you the short history of this blog.

March 21st – I posted this picture on the elegantly titled LiveJournal community “Show Your Boobs”. I can’t remember why I did it, but people liked it. A few days later, I started posting entries in the Lumpesse Livejournal.

March 26th – I register this domain just to host pictures that I’m posting on LJ.

April 22nd – I get covered in pollen by rolling around in bed with flowers. Sometime around then, I started posting songs as well – no one gave a shit.

May 30th – I decide that a friends only LJ is a shitty way to get readers and start moving posts from that journal to this blog.

June 6th – I get my first spanking!

August 23rd – I decide that there are actually 100 things about me.

September 26th – I participate in the very first Bloggasm (Sugasm for those of you that are new school) and I *still* get Google hits on the term “adonna vichet” because of it.

September 28th – I give a blowjob in my car for the first time.

October 2nd – I post the first episode of Bedroom Radio. No one really cares.

October 7th – I post the second episode of Bedroom Radio and Sam posts episode 10 of Podnography. I have an orgasm over a backing track on each podcast. People start to care.

October 17th – I post about my underwear and realize it is the first really decent thing I have written. Viviane thought so too so I made the Fleshbot sexblog round-up. I play it cool at the time but I was totally proud of myself and bragged to all my friends.

December 18th – I post about my new tongue piercing and how much I adore Melissa Gira. I promise pictures of the piercing which are after the jump. My resolution for 2006 is to have pictures of my tongue that involve Melissa.

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