No, I haven’t fallen of the face of the earth! However, I have just come out the other side of a month with spotty internet access and oodles of work to do. Now that I am done with my summer job and starting school soon I’ll be back into diversions such as this.

Recently, I’ve been listening to a lot of sex-oriented podcasts, the best I’ve found so far have been by British men. I know, my terrible obsession is taking up too much space here! Anyhow the podcasts are great but I wouldn’t dream of starting one myself as I already have a weekly non-smutty radio show to run (on a real radio station no less!) that takes up enough of my time. Anyone have any recommendations for sexy podcasts for me to partake of?

For the past several weeks I’ve been searching around for a way to fulfill my obsession with British accents. It turns out that the answer was right under my nose the whole time. British podcasts! I’m currently listening to a guy babble about his opinion on iTunes. If he were from New Jersey, I could care less. But, I’m not so concerned with what he is talking about, now am I?

I’m sure that all of my British readers will be horribly offended by the exploitativeness of all of this. It does make me feel like a bit of a perv to get all wiggly inside just over an accent. Rest assured that I have friends from the UK and I appreciate them for more than their accents. But, I must admit the accent provides a bit of allure.

Oh, this is lovely!

So, like everyone else on the planet, I get some pretty silly spam. Today one of the subject lines was “Horny Pills – 75% OFF!” This got me thinking, do I need to slip my boyfriend a horny pill? We spent a nice few days together recently. We did lots of cute things like watch documentaries, go to the zoo, and fall asleep while cuddling. If this was a “being fantastically in love” blog then I would be set. End of story. But, love is boring, sex sells and I’m ready to start buying. Despite my accelerated libido and the arduous effort I put into shaving my legs (and other important body parts) I was denied any form of hanky panky. We didn’t even make out!

Now, I’m not complaining, I’m just, well, complaining. Best boyfriend ever + no sex = a little bit depressing. The turtles at the zoo are getting more action than me (at least we think thats what they were doing.)

Meanwhile, my abilities to procure phone sex seem to have dried up as well. Am I losing my edge? Does my breath smell? I spent last night with my ridiculous new vibrator and it looks like I will be giving a repeat performance along those lines.

You might be wondering why posting has been so sporadic the past month or so. Well, first I was really busy and exhausted and not having much sex nor really wanting it. My libido tanked. Then, I started my new job. Still, not much libido. I have seen my boyfriend nearly every day for the past week and a half and we only had sex 2 or 3 times (is it bad that neither of us remember for sure?)

The sex is quite good but, to be completely honest, it is too god damn hot to fuck. In my flat, I have window units. They cool the place pretty well but are noisy and cumbersome so they don’t always do the trick. At his house, something is wrong with the AC and his bedroom (just his!) is about 20 degrees hotter than the rest of the house. All he has in there are some fans to move the air around a bit. These conditions are simply not conducive to sex between two chubby people. Things get sweaty in a sticky, uncomfortable way; we fatigue easily; and there isn’t much sex drive in the first place. Funny thing is that we first met in August (we are coming on our third anniversary) and I recall fucking like bunnies 3-5 times per day. I lived in this same apartment with the same inefficient window units. All of the variables are the same so where is the sex drive now? I’m not complaining, we are both getting what we want and are satisfied and in love. Still, I wonder what is going on. My only hypothesis is that somehow our sex has gotten more efficient. Like 1 session of fooling around is so satisfying that it can stand in for 5. I think this is just wishful thinking. Spending entire days in bed was sort of fun. . .

Meanwhile, it is still damn hot yet my libido is back in full swing. I masturbated a few times today, I am about to take a shower to cool off and take care of myself a few times more. There is an outside chance I will take some pictures. It feels good to be back in the saddle, I do horny well, it imparts a sort of urgency to my day. Expect to be hearing from me more often.

Living without a roomate is a strange thing. I have lived in this flat for three years and always had a roomate, now I am alone for a few months until my boyfriend moves in. The second bedroom is completely empty and it sends echoes through the house. I am doing careless things like leaving the TV on when I’m not in the room. I don’t like being lazy and am annoying myself. There are some benefits, though. It is really really hot here now and I can walk around wearing as little clothing as I would like. I can masturbate loudly if I feel like it. I can run from the shower naked if I forget my towel.

Don’t get my wrong, my last roomate and I were very open. We are good friends and talk about everything. Hell, we’ve been naked in a Turkish bath together and shampooed eachother’s hair (you can let your mind dwell on that if you’d like, your imagination will probably be much more erotic than the reality.) Still, it is nice to not worry about keeping up appearances. I feel very *at home* in a way I haven’t before. Having the boyfriend here shouldn’t change that too much. I’ll probably cut out the inconsiderate shit like leaving messes in the kitchen and forgetting to switch off the TV. I plan to continue the walking about the place naked if I feel like it. And the loud masturbation. Especially the loud masturbation.

Last night I was spanked for the first time. Wow.

We were lying in bed enjoying a nice cuddle. I was on my stomach and he was laying on his side right next to me. He began caressing my ass very nicely, running his fingers under the band of my panties. Suddenly he lifted his hand and brought it back down hard. I was pleasantly surprised and let out a small squeak. He left his hand resting on my butt, rubbing it some more and then lifted it to spank me again. This time the impact of his hand sent shivers through my body and I arched my butt into the air to meet the next impact from his hand. I was quickly losing composure here on the bed, allowing little moans to escape my lips from time to time and begging him to spank harder. Something about the pain and the vibrations created by impact of his hand on my skin was really doing the trick. Eventually he slipped a finger into my panties and began teasing and fingering me. We proceeded to have very good sex.

Here is the problem. . . The boy does not like it. He claims he just did it to humor me as I had requested a spanking earlier in the day. This is something that I can see really getting into. Meanwhile, he says that he “hopes it is just a phase.” What is a girl to do?

I’ve been reading Unfurling for awhile now and have been constantly impressed with his candor and excellent writing. Last week he made a post on losing his virginity that I just had to revisit. He explains that his first sexual experience was a homosexual one and this has not been repeated since. Like many women, I’ve got a bit of a *thing* for men with other men. I can’t be the only girl out there that is rooting for Unfurling to bed a man again and share all of the juicy details. Until then, my imagination will just have to suffice.

This really got me thinking about my interest in gay male sex. My amazing boyfriend has been with men in the past and I have realized that I have spent insufficient time pumping him for details (read: dirty recollections.) We have been discussing group sex for awhile now and while we are both interested in having another woman in bed with us, I would really like to see him with a man. This has little to do with my desire to be with two men at once (although that would be a nice bonus.) There is something very hot about the idea of two men together without any interest in me whatsoever. I want to see how men do things differently and how my boyfriend reacts to that dynamic. How do men suck cock and fuck? How is it different from the way I do it?

Speaking of homo-erotic, there is a program on the National Geographic Channel called “Rescue Warriors” that tracks this group of soldiers training to become paratroopers. Sounds boring, huh? Did I mention that they are hot and spend most of their time in a pool and the rest of the time being sweaty? It is imminently apparent that they are going back to the barracks at night and fucking each other senseless; the training looks really difficult, what else do they have to look forward to? Also, this assumption helps me to enjoy the show a bit more. I wish I could find some pictures to share that prove my argument. You’ll just have to trust me. Has anyone else seen this show?

After several months of operating “Lumpesse” on Livejournal I have decided to move some of the posting over here. Because of the nature of Livejournal, I have to keep things on that site restricted. While I adore the community aspect of LJ and love my plucky little group of readers, I’ve been yearning for a different type of engagement. I’ve been following several different sex blogs for the past month and realized that I was missing out on a different type of community by hiding away over at Livejournal.

This post will be followed by a sampling of my writing from that blog just to get everyone up to speed. The posts are dated for when I originally posted them on Livejournal.