Ellie Lumpesse: A Pretentious Pervert » Blogs

Fascinating Reads – March 12, 2010

Ellie — Fri, 12 Mar 2010 23:00:23 +0000

NY Subway Ad Campaign Tells Women "Abortion Changes You"

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Fascinating Reads – March 11, 2010

Ellie — Thu, 11 Mar 2010 23:00:34 +0000

Feminists Calling Out Misandry When They See It

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Fascinating Reads – March 10, 2010

Ellie — Wed, 10 Mar 2010 21:34:15 +0000

If you’re a sex worker who likes her career, and if you talk

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(this post is hardly about) Dark Odyssey Summer Camp

Ellie — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 17:36:18 +0000

I went to camp last month and had a very important time. It took several weeks for the bruises to fade but I’m still processing the self-discovery.

I entered camp strongly suspecting that it would be my last foray into non-monogamy for awhile. Incidentally, I didn’t have a lot of sex. I spent most of my play time getting punched and beaten by lovely people. I also made some personal connections that I hope will persist.

No one has asked me to be monogamous but after being pretty roughed up in my last relationships, I’m starting to think that polyamory and all that goes with it aren’t what I want right now. This means something big. My darling Jay and I are no longer “together”. I invoke the scare quotes because we are together still in many ways. We share a home, although he now moved into the other bedroom. We share a life, although we no longer make long-term plans for the future together. And we share many laughs and that part needs no caveat. I’m lucky to still have a best friend and supporter even if our romantic partnership is dissolved.

I know many of you poly folk think that sex and passion ending isn’t a reason to end a relationship. And I think that if Jay and I had a mortgage or children tying us together we’d make the best of it and have other lovers while keeping maintaining the basics of our life together as a priority. However, we don’t have those things. We just have an amazing friendship that isn’t going anywhere soon. And I suffer from some pretty old-fashioned ideas about having a home and a life with someone that I do have a romantic relationship with. And monogamy. I’m getting more conservative, I suppose, in my old age.

So at camp I tentatively said goodbye to some things that are important to me but I’m pretty committed to my involvement with this community. I don’t know if complete sexual monogamy is something that I’ll stick to (although it is working just fine at the present, thank you) but I do know I’m strictly devoted to the idea of one relationship at a time.

Dear reader, I can hear the collective groans as you assume that I’m about to get intensely boring. Honestly, I think this blog has been pretty boring for months. I’m hoping to get back to writing more often in the hopes of keeping myself engaged with my own sexual journey and sharing the excitement of my burgeoning romance with Mr. Vanilla. I want to tease out the significance of what I’m doing in that it is a choice I’m making for myself and with my eyes wide open and I hope to show that fucking in single file doesn’t have to mean boring.

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Fascinating Reads – February 7, 2009

Ellie — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 04:00:54 +0000

A study on ethnography and dykes

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Fascinating Reads – February 6, 2009

Ellie — Sat, 07 Feb 2009 04:40:15 +0000

The “Base” Metaphor explained (XKCD)

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Fascinating Reads – February 4, 2009

Ellie — Thu, 05 Feb 2009 04:00:51 +0000

The Talk.

Sexuality Happens » Living Alone

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Fascinating Reads – February 3, 2009

Ellie — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 23:53:33 +0000

The Seattle Times: Nation & World: Georgia sex-offender rules create stir

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Fascinating Reads – January 29, 2009

Ellie — Fri, 30 Jan 2009 04:00:35 +0000

So I’m a feminist – and a misogynist?

South Carolina Tries to Further Restrict Abortion Access

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Fascinating Reads – January 28, 2009

Ellie — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 04:00:35 +0000

Self Aware

Maybe what women want is sex journalism that doesn't suck.

Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom & Autonomy #15

Ask Yourself This….

Pleasurists #13 | Pleasurists

U.K. Extreme Porn Law in Effect – Sort Of

What if O stands for “Overwhelming body hatred”? (Reflections on the January cover of O: The Oprah Magazine)

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Fascinating Reads – January 27, 2009

Ellie — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 04:00:23 +0000

Sexual perversity in America

Another Challenged Assumption: Feminist Consideration of Men's Bodies

Coat

If You're Going to Quote Me, Get Your Shit Straight

Ask the Assbandit

Google should learn the difference between real sex and spam | Technology | The Guardian

Barack and Michelle – fisters?

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Fascinating Reads – January 26, 2009

Ellie — Mon, 26 Jan 2009 22:36:14 +0000

What if you could buy social justice? (Part 9: Think Pink: Cancer Profiteering)

Target Women: Jewelry

“That’s right, Dad. Your…

spreadmagazine:

This woman is ridiculously beautiful. She…

therealkatiewest:

Come On Over on Vimeo (via Vimeo)
i am in…

A dude with glitter in his beard

Sex Games Beyond Strip Poker

Poly/Relationship Mapping Workshop in SF, Jan 16th

On Breakups and Poly

Size & Sexuality

Sex and Intimacy Project – Part 11

"Why Are Gay Marriage Advocates Not Defending Polyamory?"

If Jewelry Commercials Annoy You, This Is The Video To Watch [Badvertising]

Safe! (Yes, we’ve got a video!)

‘Rom Coms’ Can Ruin Your Love Life, Sound a Lot Dirtier Than They Are

Shave the Date

“I’m kind of … insatiable.”

By Your Side, by Clayton Cubitt. “Long portrait of a…

Big is Beautiful

Today in WTF: Planned Parenthood Gift Certificates

Call for Submissions: Whore Lover

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The Year That Was: 2008 In Review

Ellie — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 02:30:07 +0000

January – Jay and I started the year by celebrating our 2nd anniversary together. If you want to refresh on how we first met (and the aftermath of that) you’ll have to look back to January of 2006. We were in Thailand for half of this month and pretty depressed to back in the US again. So, you didn’t hear from me again until. . .

April – Where I attended Sex 2.0 and had a fire lit under me. I started a Twitter account, got involved with FetLife, and relaunched my podcast. I finally realized that I was part of a community and felt like I belonged.

May – I started reviewing products on my podcast and blog for VibeReview.

June – I spent a lot of time thinking about sex work in both text and audio forms. I also got sort of pissy and ridiculous about blogging and met Artemis Hunter for the first time.

July – I had my first freelance work published in The Naughty American and dug up some old camwhore shots. I also experienced a bit of heartbreak, but it turned out a great piece of writing if I do say so myself. I also got tied up by Artemis and finally hooked up with Carmine who had previously only been known as “cross-dressing law student“. Finally, I began publishing the Musings on Masculinity series.

August – The biggest news and one of the happiest days of my last several years was telling my dad about my “secret identity”. I’m still basking in the joy of that moment as I remember it. Also in July, Jay and I got to know Hania much better.

September – I was named #5 on the list of the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2008 among started a bajillion other projects. We also went to Dark Odyssey Summer Camp which was a watershed event for me despite the fact that I haven’t talked about it too much. I also presented at the Fetish Fair Flea Market and got to meet Catalina and Marky for the first time.

October – The posts slowed down and the earth stopped moving because something remarkable happened. We met Ariel and Michael and fell in love and my feet still haven’t touched the ground. At first I could only express the feelings in music. But. . .

November - . . . soon I found more detailed words and images to express my thoughts. I captured the unique sadomasochistic relationship that Michael and I have developed as well as the experienced of being fucked by Ariel for the first time. And the sexy gave way to the mundanely profound as we found ourselves forming a type of family, broken hollondaise and all.

December – Ariel starts lending a hand with reviews and I think that the format suits this site. Jay and I also visited New York and saw tons of the friends that we met through the year. I also spent a sedate Birthday and Hanukkah at home with my new chosen family.

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The growing problem of tentacle rape

Ellie — Sat, 13 Dec 2008 15:09:34 +0000

Sabrina has re-launched her brilliant blog Full Frontal Politics with an incisive and spot-on article about the Australian Supreme Court’s decision to convict a man on child pornography charges for possessing drawn images of Simpsons characters engaging in sexual acts.

Okay. Let’s put our niche porn marketing hats on here and shine the red light of reason upon this logic. Someone who is looking for cartoon photos of The Simpsons characters is probably not fueling the demand for genuine child porn that does involve the abuse of children. Shock-value cartoon porn simply doesn’t tend to cross over to the screams and pain of gory reality. Many–most I’ve talked to–viewers of cartoon porn and hentai prefer it because they’re trying to get away from the gray areas of gory reality. Let’s ignore, for a moment, the obvious slippery-slope leap of logic used here and assume, for a moment, that it’s possible for fiction to inspire its viewers to enact crimes portrayed therein.

(“Pull Down Your Skirt; Your Id Is Showing”)

I’ll spare you the round of, “Amen, sistah” and just direct you to read the rest of her insightful commentary. She has moved past outrage, into logic, and ultimately has me a little afraid. Fiction is just that and the goriest and most brutal crimes and atrocities are committed in it. When I think of the fictional material available in the world, Bart banging Lisa is pretty low on my scale of disgust and revulsion.

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What’s wrong with sex work

Ellie — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 18:11:37 +0000

I stay away from a lot of feminist blogs because, well, reading them often hurts my soul. In fact other than perusing Feministing and Feministe, I leave it up to Ren, Trinity, Amber, and Caroline to keep my up to date on what is happening vis-a-vis sex and feminism. These ladies have the patience of saints because they manage to spend a lot of time reading the same angry arguments about sex work and responding to them over and over again.

For a long time I knew that there was some fundamental lack of clash in the debate. An ideological space where the competing ideas could not be resolved because they are operating on different planes. Many radical and second wave feminists take a strong social constructionist view of gender and violence against women. Many sex positive feminists see this as lacking in nuance and denying the autonomy of individual women. But, that distinction has been on the table for a long time.

Today I started thinking about another one when I was reading this post of Caroline’s. She links to a blog where a very brave woman discusses her incredibly damaging and negative experiences in the sex industry. That woman believes that she is dismissed by sex positive feminists as being a “sad case” – that her experience is the exception and does not invalidate sex work. On the flip-side, many former sex workers that had positive experiences feel their voices are drowned out and silenced by radical feminists who claim they are apologists for the patriarchy.

The problem is that these arguments still aren’t truly clashing with each other. Two claims are being debated as if they are a single one even though they are neither directly related nor mutually exclusive.

Claim #1: Sex work is wrong.

Claim #2: There is something wrong within sex work.

The “within” is very important in that second claim. It distinguishes the idea that sex work is on face something to be rejected from the claim that there are problems in sex work that need to be remedied. I don’t know a single sex worker that would not concede the second claim. Of course there are individuals, perhaps even the majority of individuals, who are severely adversely affected by sex work. But, one claim does not automatically support the other because Claim #2 is a quantitative claim that describes a current problem whereas Claim #1 is qualitative and makes a value judgment. The material conditions of sex work can change and Claim #2 would be eroded but for those that support Claim #1, no change would be sufficient. By definition sex work is wrong and no number of pleasant personal experiences could change that.

So, yes, I desperately abhor the abuse and mistreatment of sex workers. I loath the deeply disturbing and violent treatment that sex workers face. As a separate issue I am, of course, concerned about the trafficking of human beings or the exploitation and rape of children that cannot consent to entering the sex trade. I can see all of these things and I can still say that sex work should exist and can be healthy. I can believe that it will never disappear and so it must be prepared, not just to make the best of a bad situation but to create joy out of a vocation that should be honored instead of denigrated. I honor the voices of women that have experienced pain or violence in sex work and I don’t think that they are tokens. But, I think that their experiences provide a backdrop for an important change and®evolution, not for a dismantling of an eternal system.

(Also, go read the 11th Feminist Carnival of Sexual Freedom and Autonomy)

© Ellie for Ellie Lumpesse: A Pretentious Pervert, 2008. | Permalink | 10 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: autonomy, choices, feminism, sex work

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New Socks HNT

Ellie — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 14:59:09 +0000

There is a certain pervert around here that is obsessed with over the knee socks. Last night at the store, I saw a precious pink and purple pair that I thought would go great with Mary Janes. So I got them. Cute, huh? You can even see cat paws at the top of the photo as my black cat sauntered past while I took the picture.

This is a pretty demure photo for me, perhaps you’re wondering why? Well I sent my racy photos from this week to the Boobiethon. Go check it out and donate to this very worthy cause.

© Ellie for Ellie Lumpesse: A Pretentious Pervert, 2008. | Permalink | 22 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: boobiethon, hnt, socks

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Sex Blogging and Writing for the Drawer

Ellie — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 13:16:48 +0000

In literary studies there is a concept of writing “for the drawer”. It refers to writing that was done in a historical period or within a socio-political situation that did not allow for it to be published or even openly shared. Some of the greatest literary works produced in early Stalinist Russia were not published until 30-40 years after their initial inception.

People like Andrei Bely, Mikhael Bulgakov, and Anna Akhmatova had important things to say and vivid artistic expression that simply could not be expressed. Their ideas were not just unpopular, they were dangerous to the government. And, the simple knowledge of the existence of these writings would have been sufficient to cause them and their entire families to be imprisoned or killed. Writing for the drawer was a political reality and necessity.

People still write in this way today, but not for such dire reasons. The cloak of anonymity that most bloggers maintain is significant but sometimes even it isn’t sufficient. What if I told you that even on an anonymous blog, the community that exists is enough to cause some to self-censor?

If anonymous blogging is already writing for the drawer and this blog is a space for my most personal and difficult thoughts, then where do I write down the things that I can’t even say here? One solution is personal friendships. I have a friend that frequently sends me emails with pieces of writing and a subject line like, “I can’t blog this”. Sometimes he is correct. For social reasons or political ones or just “good taste”, he really can’t. Sometimes I convince him that he is wrong because I know his subject line is a challenge to both of us, of course he “can” blog it, but will he?

Me? I don’t even commit these dirtiest of thoughts to words in a publishable way. I may talk about them with friends or even allude to them on Twitter but the simple act of stringing words into sentences and sentences into paragraphs seems very risky and final to me. If I write and I don’t publish, I am admitting that the thoughts are unpublishable. And if I don’t publish the unpublishable, what am I doing here?

So, my challenge to myself and to every other reader, writer, and sexual being out there is to think about those controversial thoughts. The ones that are too provocative, too infuriating, too risky for even your anonymous self. If you’re brave, you’ll share them in the comments, if you’re braver you’ll commit it to posterity in some way.

I’ll be writing a series of posts that reveal these thoughts and ideas. They won’t be comfortable and they won’t be nice but they aren’t written in the spirit of burning bridges but rather in the hope of forging difficult and painful connections through honesty.

© Ellie for Ellie Lumpesse: A Pretentious Pervert, 2008. | Permalink | 32 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: blogging, controversy, honesty, politics, russian literature, Sex

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Where Else is Ellie?

Ellie — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 22:46:26 +0000

It has been a little quiet here lately so I thought I would let everyone know the other things I have been up to both on and offline.

Top 100 Sexy Bloggers of 2008 – I was honored to be named #5 on this amazing list of blogs compiled by Rori. I was stunned by the remarkable company I shared on this list and if you are just getting into sex blogs, I highly suggest checking out the entire list. The top 20 bloggers are as follows:

1. Sinclair Sexsmith http://sugarbutch.net
2. Radical Vixen http://www.radicalvixen.com
3. Curvaceous Dee http://curvaceousdee.blogspot.com
4. Always Aroused Girl http://aagblog.com
5. Ellie Lumpesse www.lumpesse.com
6. Catalina http://catalinaloves.com
7. Selena Kitt http://selenakittyn.com
8-9. Wifey and Hubby http://wifeytalk.com
10. Roger http://wwww.dirtyboy2.blogspot.com
11. Essin’ Em http://essin-em.com
12. Amber Rhea http://www.beingamberrhea.com
13-14. Richard and Amy http://247richardandamy.com
15-16. MJ and MJ’s Slave http://www.aslavestruenature.blogspot.com
17. Thursday’s Child http://thursdayschildhasfartogo.blogspot.com
18. Narration by D http://narrationbyd.blogspot.com
19. Andrea Zanin http://www.sexgeek.wordpress.com
20. The Provocateur http://theprovocateur.wordpress.com

The Femme’s Guide to Absolutely Everything – I have been asked by the lovely Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek to contribute to this wonderful group blog about femme identity. My most recent post there is about the first time I was properly kissed. I was 18 and it was with one of my closest girlfriends. Here is an excerpt:

So there we were. December in Milwaukee and the car is idling and I am shaking like a leaf. She said lots of things in the intervening moments. About how I didn’t have to and she wasn’t trying to presure me. I think she needed me to express desire but all I could muster was terror.

Then she took my hand. She started slowly caressing my palm with her fingertips and nails. Rubbing my flesh in hers like a piece of clay. I was silent except for my tiny gasps for breath. I tried to focus all of the terror into my hand and let Sarah take it away, mash it in her soft fingers until it was nothing.

You might want to read the rest of “My First (Proper) Kiss” and check out the rest of Femme’s Guide while you’re at it. In fact, why not subscribe to the RSS feed so you won’t miss a thing?

Best Sex Bloggers – This fabulous group blog, started by Catalina, features amazing bloggers, podcasters, and photographers with both re-posted and original material. I have been contributing regularly over there and will be editing some collaborative writing projects amongst the bloggers. The site is new and already creating a buzz, I’m so pleased to be part of it. Why should you read? You’ll learn about new bloggers, find great things to read, and you might even win fabulous sex toys in a contest. You can subscribe to the RSS feed to keep up with everything that happens there.

Live Girl Review – Some of the toy reviews that appear on this blog also appear at Live Girl Review. This blog and podcast is produced by the multi-talented Audacia Ray. I’m constantly in awe of her and was thrilled when I was allowed to contribute to this project along with many talented sex writers. Fancy the RSS feed for the blog posts and podcast?

Junkbuzzed – Back in the spring a helped launch a sex and humor blog. I started linking to it here but I never really announced my involvement officially. While I haven’t been a big part of Junkbuzzed recently, I’m trying to post there more regularly again. The editor there is The Snarling Misanthrope (known around these parts as Marc) and he is one of the most talented satire writers I have ever read much less had the opportunity to work with. My most recent post there was a humorous take on my needle play experience titled, “Suburban Ennui Leads to Needle Play.” But really, I am not the main attraction at this blog and that is a good thing. I could not pen hilarity like an advice column called “Ask a Gor Master” or an epic sex toy review that involves a vat of lube and Star Wars collectibles. If you don’t listen to me any other time in your life, listen now and subscribe to Junkbuzzed.

Of course there is no way that I need to tell you about my podcast, Bedroom Radio? You can add that feed directly to the podcatcher of your choice so it will show up on your computer and mp3 player as soon as a new episode appears. Upcoming episodes will include Always Aroused Girl, Bliss Warrior, and Regina Lynn. There are also always great little goodies like erotica readings, sexy music, or sex toy reviews. You know how I review toys right? Well, lets just say it is more of a demonstration than a mere review.

For the complete stalking experience, you can also find me on Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and MySpace.

The more of this I type the less of a life it seems that I have.

***

But, I actually do have a life outside of my home and it will be taking me to a few amazing kink events in the next month.

Dark Odyssey Summer Camp – In a few days, Jay and I will be leaving for Dark Odyssey Summer Camp. If you have heard of this event, you know exactly why I am so excited. If you haven’t, Viviane has been kind enough to round up the posts from previous years that she went to camp. We’ll be staying with some amazing people there and I expect to have a lot of phenomenal stories to share.

Fetish Fair Flea Market – I am thrilled that I was invited to present at this regional kink event. My presentation will be on “Kinky Phone Sex For Couples” and will involve some fun, sexy demonstrations and practice opportunities. There are some great play parties also scheduled for this event and a whole host of amazing speakers.

***

Are you still reading? Well, want to see something way hotter than what I’ve listed above? My darling, wonderful friend Thursday wrote this gorgeous fantasy about me. A snippet:

Later, she lays on top of me, pressed thigh to thigh, hip to hip. The buzzing head of the Hitachi rests between us, right on the curve of our clefts, and as we grind against each other, I have all but forgotten the presence of the men, so lost am I in the soft perfume of her skin.

So, you might want to read the rest of that, huh? I really want to meet this woman soon and re-enact this dream.

[Image via Helene Black]

© Ellie for Ellie Lumpesse: A Pretentious Pervert, 2008. | Permalink | 8 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: audacia ray, awards, best sex bloggers, catalina, dark odyssey, facebook, femme's guide, fetish fair flea market, junkbuzzed, live girl review, myspace, narration by d, thursday's child, top sexy bloggers, tumblr, twitter

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Bedroom Radio #21: Sinclair Sexsmith of Sugarbutch.net

Ellie — Thu, 28 Aug 2008 03:12:48 +0000

Download Bedroom Radio #21

On this episode I interview Sinclair of Sugarbutch Chronicles. We discuss gender, butch/femme identity, bdsm, and erotic blogging. You’ll also be treated to an incredibly sexy piece of erotica read by Sinclair.

************************

Contact Me Like This:
Email: bedroomradio@gmail.com
Voicemail: 206-339-5939
Website: bedroomradio.blogspot.com
Blog: www.lumpesse.com
More More More:
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Sex Toys and Vibrator Reviews at VibeReview

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There Goes My Baby

Ellie — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 20:20:42 +0000

So I’m frantically getting ready for the new term at school so I’ve been a bit quiet. However, Jay has posted a few great blog entries this week. First, he did a HNT post for the first time. Exhibit:

He also wrote this gorgeous post about our play with Hania last week. Sigh. I will certainly be recounting the experience from my perspective as well but reading it from his was fun. While we were all together, I kept looking up at him and smiling. He was a bystander some of the time but he never lost the look of wonder and delight from his eyes. He is such a treasure to have as a lover and best friend.

Here are a few of his words:

Hania motioned for me to help her out of her top, then her bra. Her breasts, while smaller than Ellie’s, were very large for Hania’s small frame and quite perky. The dark almond colored areolas that we thought we saw the month before were even more sexy than Ellie and I had imagined (trust me, we spent a few nights in bed talking about Hania’s lovely body).

Ellie laid down on her back and Hania straddled her playing with her breasts. They rubbed their bodies together, kissed, sucked, and licked for almost an hour before Hania started pulling Ellie’s panties off.

I wish I had a better vantage point so I could give a play-by-play. The only thing I can say for sure is that the three of us all seemed to be enjoying ourselves. Hania’s slurping and kissing, Ellie’s moans, and my angelic expression probably express the feelings of the moment better than a verbose description could.

He also posted a really lovely photo of Hania in the rope harness that I put on her:

This weekend, we’ll be going out of town for a very impromptu weekend with Artemis and Jeff. She called me last night and we agreed that when Artemis asks for your attendance, you do what you can to make it happen. We should come home with new stories to tell and some brand new rope skills. Rope skills that I hope to use and continue improving at Dark Odyssey in a few weeks.

© Ellie for Ellie Lumpesse: A Pretentious Pervert, 2008. | Permalink | 3 comments | Add to del.icio.us
Post tags: hania, hnt, jay, love

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