Ellie Lumpesse: A Pretentious Pervert » Blogroll

The Year That Was: 2008 In Review

Ellie — Thu, 15 Jan 2009 02:30:07 +0000

January – Jay and I started the year by celebrating our 2nd anniversary together. If you want to refresh on how we first met (and the aftermath of that) you’ll have to look back to January of 2006. We were in Thailand for half of this month and pretty depressed to back in the US again. So, you didn’t hear from me again until. . .

April – Where I attended Sex 2.0 and had a fire lit under me. I started a Twitter account, got involved with FetLife, and relaunched my podcast. I finally realized that I was part of a community and felt like I belonged.

May – I started reviewing products on my podcast and blog for VibeReview.

June – I spent a lot of time thinking about sex work in both text and audio forms. I also got sort of pissy and ridiculous about blogging and met Artemis Hunter for the first time.

July – I had my first freelance work published in The Naughty American and dug up some old camwhore shots. I also experienced a bit of heartbreak, but it turned out a great piece of writing if I do say so myself. I also got tied up by Artemis and finally hooked up with Carmine who had previously only been known as “cross-dressing law student“. Finally, I began publishing the Musings on Masculinity series.

August – The biggest news and one of the happiest days of my last several years was telling my dad about my “secret identity”. I’m still basking in the joy of that moment as I remember it. Also in July, Jay and I got to know Hania much better.

September – I was named #5 on the list of the Top 100 Sex Bloggers of 2008 among started a bajillion other projects. We also went to Dark Odyssey Summer Camp which was a watershed event for me despite the fact that I haven’t talked about it too much. I also presented at the Fetish Fair Flea Market and got to meet Catalina and Marky for the first time.

October – The posts slowed down and the earth stopped moving because something remarkable happened. We met Ariel and Michael and fell in love and my feet still haven’t touched the ground. At first I could only express the feelings in music. But. . .

November - . . . soon I found more detailed words and images to express my thoughts. I captured the unique sadomasochistic relationship that Michael and I have developed as well as the experienced of being fucked by Ariel for the first time. And the sexy gave way to the mundanely profound as we found ourselves forming a type of family, broken hollondaise and all.

December – Ariel starts lending a hand with reviews and I think that the format suits this site. Jay and I also visited New York and saw tons of the friends that we met through the year. I also spent a sedate Birthday and Hanukkah at home with my new chosen family.

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Where Else is Ellie?

Ellie — Sun, 07 Sep 2008 22:46:26 +0000

It has been a little quiet here lately so I thought I would let everyone know the other things I have been up to both on and offline.

Top 100 Sexy Bloggers of 2008 – I was honored to be named #5 on this amazing list of blogs compiled by Rori. I was stunned by the remarkable company I shared on this list and if you are just getting into sex blogs, I highly suggest checking out the entire list. The top 20 bloggers are as follows:

1. Sinclair Sexsmith http://sugarbutch.net
2. Radical Vixen http://www.radicalvixen.com
3. Curvaceous Dee http://curvaceousdee.blogspot.com
4. Always Aroused Girl http://aagblog.com
5. Ellie Lumpesse www.lumpesse.com
6. Catalina http://catalinaloves.com
7. Selena Kitt http://selenakittyn.com
8-9. Wifey and Hubby http://wifeytalk.com
10. Roger http://wwww.dirtyboy2.blogspot.com
11. Essin’ Em http://essin-em.com
12. Amber Rhea http://www.beingamberrhea.com
13-14. Richard and Amy http://247richardandamy.com
15-16. MJ and MJ’s Slave http://www.aslavestruenature.blogspot.com
17. Thursday’s Child http://thursdayschildhasfartogo.blogspot.com
18. Narration by D http://narrationbyd.blogspot.com
19. Andrea Zanin http://www.sexgeek.wordpress.com
20. The Provocateur http://theprovocateur.wordpress.com

The Femme’s Guide to Absolutely Everything – I have been asked by the lovely Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek to contribute to this wonderful group blog about femme identity. My most recent post there is about the first time I was properly kissed. I was 18 and it was with one of my closest girlfriends. Here is an excerpt:

So there we were. December in Milwaukee and the car is idling and I am shaking like a leaf. She said lots of things in the intervening moments. About how I didn’t have to and she wasn’t trying to presure me. I think she needed me to express desire but all I could muster was terror.

Then she took my hand. She started slowly caressing my palm with her fingertips and nails. Rubbing my flesh in hers like a piece of clay. I was silent except for my tiny gasps for breath. I tried to focus all of the terror into my hand and let Sarah take it away, mash it in her soft fingers until it was nothing.

You might want to read the rest of “My First (Proper) Kiss” and check out the rest of Femme’s Guide while you’re at it. In fact, why not subscribe to the RSS feed so you won’t miss a thing?

Best Sex Bloggers – This fabulous group blog, started by Catalina, features amazing bloggers, podcasters, and photographers with both re-posted and original material. I have been contributing regularly over there and will be editing some collaborative writing projects amongst the bloggers. The site is new and already creating a buzz, I’m so pleased to be part of it. Why should you read? You’ll learn about new bloggers, find great things to read, and you might even win fabulous sex toys in a contest. You can subscribe to the RSS feed to keep up with everything that happens there.

Live Girl Review – Some of the toy reviews that appear on this blog also appear at Live Girl Review. This blog and podcast is produced by the multi-talented Audacia Ray. I’m constantly in awe of her and was thrilled when I was allowed to contribute to this project along with many talented sex writers. Fancy the RSS feed for the blog posts and podcast?

Junkbuzzed – Back in the spring a helped launch a sex and humor blog. I started linking to it here but I never really announced my involvement officially. While I haven’t been a big part of Junkbuzzed recently, I’m trying to post there more regularly again. The editor there is The Snarling Misanthrope (known around these parts as Marc) and he is one of the most talented satire writers I have ever read much less had the opportunity to work with. My most recent post there was a humorous take on my needle play experience titled, “Suburban Ennui Leads to Needle Play.” But really, I am not the main attraction at this blog and that is a good thing. I could not pen hilarity like an advice column called “Ask a Gor Master” or an epic sex toy review that involves a vat of lube and Star Wars collectibles. If you don’t listen to me any other time in your life, listen now and subscribe to Junkbuzzed.

Of course there is no way that I need to tell you about my podcast, Bedroom Radio? You can add that feed directly to the podcatcher of your choice so it will show up on your computer and mp3 player as soon as a new episode appears. Upcoming episodes will include Always Aroused Girl, Bliss Warrior, and Regina Lynn. There are also always great little goodies like erotica readings, sexy music, or sex toy reviews. You know how I review toys right? Well, lets just say it is more of a demonstration than a mere review.

For the complete stalking experience, you can also find me on Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, and MySpace.

The more of this I type the less of a life it seems that I have.

***

But, I actually do have a life outside of my home and it will be taking me to a few amazing kink events in the next month.

Dark Odyssey Summer Camp – In a few days, Jay and I will be leaving for Dark Odyssey Summer Camp. If you have heard of this event, you know exactly why I am so excited. If you haven’t, Viviane has been kind enough to round up the posts from previous years that she went to camp. We’ll be staying with some amazing people there and I expect to have a lot of phenomenal stories to share.

Fetish Fair Flea Market – I am thrilled that I was invited to present at this regional kink event. My presentation will be on “Kinky Phone Sex For Couples” and will involve some fun, sexy demonstrations and practice opportunities. There are some great play parties also scheduled for this event and a whole host of amazing speakers.

***

Are you still reading? Well, want to see something way hotter than what I’ve listed above? My darling, wonderful friend Thursday wrote this gorgeous fantasy about me. A snippet:

Later, she lays on top of me, pressed thigh to thigh, hip to hip. The buzzing head of the Hitachi rests between us, right on the curve of our clefts, and as we grind against each other, I have all but forgotten the presence of the men, so lost am I in the soft perfume of her skin.

So, you might want to read the rest of that, huh? I really want to meet this woman soon and re-enact this dream.

[Image via Helene Black]

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Post tags: audacia ray, awards, best sex bloggers, catalina, dark odyssey, facebook, femme's guide, fetish fair flea market, junkbuzzed, live girl review, myspace, narration by d, thursday's child, top sexy bloggers, tumblr, twitter

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On My Radar

Ellie — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 14:19:12 +0000

If you look at the top of this page you’ll see a new link, “On My Radar“. See, my blogroll was getting long and it didn’t even begin to cover the 200+ feeds that I was reading everyday. I’ve always been hesitant to link to brand new blogs because they often disappear. Then I have to fish them back out of the link list for the sake of keeping it clean. Instead, I’ve decided to make blogrolls out of my Google Reader feed lists (thanks to Curvaceous Dee for showing me how to do it!)

I’ll be honest, sometimes things drop on and off of this list rapidly, please don’t be offended. Should I be reading your blog and I’m not? Well, let me know!

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Post tags: bloggers, Blogroll, links, sex blogs

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“I want to be your blowjob queen”

Administrator — Sat, 07 Oct 2006 04:11:52 +0000

Every week when I prepare for my radio show I come across several songs that I enjoy and can’t play on the radio. This week I happened to start listening to Liz Phair’s Exile in Guyville and heard “Flower” for the first time in several years. If you’ve heard it you’ll know what I’m talking about when I say that “Flower” is one of the most angelically filthy songs ever recorded. It isn’t particularly sexy in the sense of being seductive at all. Rather, it is just shocking in the level of graphicness. It represents an incredibly liberated and powerful female sexuality that probably makes many people uncomfortable. Before Liz seriously sold out, she was the indie rock Lil’ Kim.

Download “Flower” by Liz Phair

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Radio is a sound salvation

Administrator — Tue, 16 May 2006 03:39:43 +0000

I’ve been so busy car shopping the past few days that I completely forgot to announce that I will be doing a radio interview about my podcast, Bedroom Radio, tomorrow. At 2:00PM EST, I’ll be doing a live phone interview on WNYC 93.9 FM in New York during their Soundcheck music talk show. The theme of the show is podcasting and I’ve been asked to represent the sex and music angle. I’m pretty excited and hope that you’ll get a chance to tune in. If you’re in New York, tune your radio (the radio is that thing you hear in your car before the iPod takes over) to 93.9 FM. If you’re anywhere else in the world (and near an internet connection) you can listen to the webstream. WNYC also podcasts their shows, so I’ll be sure to post a link when the archive is available.

Here is a link to the specific episode notes!

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Bedroom Radio Quickie #2

Ellie — Fri, 23 Dec 2005 16:19:46 +0000

Download the Bedroom Radio Quickie #2 or Subscribe!

As you might already know, Quickie episodes appear when I have something to share but not a lot of time to share it in. Enjoy this very brief holiday show and I’ll be back in full force very soon.

Music

The Smittens – “Good Migrations”

Listen to

Podnography – Episode #17

Contest

Tell me the most interesting place you’ve ever listened to Bedroom Radio. The submissions so far are awesome and you have one more week to get entries to me. Call or email an mp3 with your entry.

Comments? Questions? Adoration? Naked pictures?

Email – bedroomradio AT gmail.com

Phone – 206-339-7357

Website – BedroomRadio.com

Blog – Lumpesse.com

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Bedroom Radio #9

Ellie — Fri, 09 Dec 2005 20:43:35 +0000

Download Episode #9 of Bedroom Radio (37 minutes, 33MB) or Subscribe!

Music

Blanket Music – “Hips” (pictured)

Mystery Lyric

(smog) – “To Be of Use” (If you guessed right and didn’t get your prize, please let me know!)

Music News

The Strokes’ new video is censored by MTV for being too sexy. (via Viviane’s Sex Carnival)

Gary Glitter is a creepy pervert.

Courtney Love is “clean and sober”.

Rob Sheffield creams his pants over Jessica Alba.

Podcast You MUST Listen To

Whorecast by Melissa Gira (who also just launched a new blog this week, Sexerati)

Dancing With Myself

Wixel – “Mail Me to Finland”

Contest

Call me up (or email me an audio clip) telling me the most interesting place you have listened to Bedroom Radio. The best submissions will get a special prize.

Comments? Questions? Adoration? Naked pictures?

Email – bedroomradio AT gmail.com

Phone – 206-339-7357

Website – BedroomRadio.com

Blog – Lumpesse.com

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Bedroom Radio Episode #8 – Under the Covers

Ellie — Fri, 02 Dec 2005 22:44:16 +0000

Please forgive me for some of the audio inconsistencies this week. I got a new microphone and am still getting used to it. My plosives are especially bad during “Dancing with Myself” and that is the one part of the show that I have to get in one take. If I don’t have a pop filter by next week, I’ll gladly submit to spankings.

Download Bedroom Radio #8 (29 minutes) or Subscribe!

Song of the Week

Low – “Last Night I Dreamt that Somebody Loved Me” (~~Morissey~~ Smiths cover)

Contest

Email me your guesses. The winners get a picture of my cleavage. The winners and the losers get to hear the song or story on next week’s show. Sounds to me like everyone is a winner!

Dancing with Myself

Galaxie 500 – “Ceremony” (Joy Division cover)

I Have a Crush On

Professor P’s Porn Panorama (If you have a podcast and want to play that promo on it, let me know, that would be neat.)

Public Service Announcement

How to Pick Up Girls On the Street

Comments? Questions? Adoration? Naked pictures?

Email – bedroomradio AT gmail.com

Phone – 206-339-7357

Website – BedroomRadio.com

Blog – Lumpesse.com

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Bedroom Radio Episode #6 – Comfort Stand Records

Ellie — Fri, 11 Nov 2005 23:44:52 +0000

Download Bedroom Radio Episode #6 (62 minutes 58MB) or Subscribe

Show Notes

Interview

Mr Melvis of Comfort Stand Records

Music

from Wakka Chikka Wakka Chikka Porn Music For The Masses Volume 1

Eldad Tsabary – Lophophora Williamssii

De Zwervende Keien (The Drifting Boulders) – Wooden Shoes In Tirol

mr_melvis – Whose Fantasy Is This, Anyways? (featuring R. Stevie Moore and Ms. Demeanor)

Dancing with Myself

Tord Gustavsen Trio – “Curtains Aside” from The Ground (Thanks for the song, Jeff! If you have a song that you think I should use for this part of the show, email me.)

Very Cool Podcast

He Said, She Said

Comments? Questions? Adoration? Naked pictures?

Email – bedroomradio AT gmail.com

Phone – 206-339-7357

Website – BedroomRadio.com

Blog – Lumpesse.com

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Halloween

Ellie — Tue, 01 Nov 2005 04:38:07 +0000

I got out of the house tonight, setting aside a paper on masculinity in the works of Kate Chopin in order to be social for awhile.

These are 27 to 35 year old former gutter punks, college DJs, and local band members. They would be townies if this wasn’t a city. They enjoy the newest hip dive bar with an undetached irony. I know the bartenders/owners and about half the people here. The fire marshall has the place rated for 67 occupants and there are at least 150 people crammed wall to wall.

The gimmick for the night is a Ramone’s cover band called the Whoremoans. There is a female lead singer and she isn’t trying to be sexy. Instead she plays the part totally straight and the effect is hot. In fact, none of the women at the bar are dressed in “Slutty ” costumes. One friend is a turd, another a stalk of broccoli (with cheese), and the real life Greaser couple is (you guessed it) dead Greasers.

The music isn’t sexy at all, it is dirty and loud and adolescent. That is what the Ramones are after all. And the mood doesn’t really take hold until people start spraying the band with beer.

There is no stage, but if there were one, my proximity would be front and center. I get nearly impaled with the neck of the bass a few times and bear the brunt of several misguided splashes of PBR. I don’t particularly give a shit because dancing is a bit too fun at the moment to watch out that my feet aren’t stepped on.

Gizmo wins the costume contest in a best out of 3 wrestling match against Master Shake. I hear an acquaintance who is in a sleazy garage rock band and no doubt a graphic designer by day, explain that Shake is “too fucking trendy and topical.”

It takes me a half hour to sign my tab for two drinks. I never think to bring cash on the busiest nights at a place like this. Nonetheless, I’ve only said hello to a fraction of the people, so my wait at the bar is a good chance to make small talk and oggle clever costumes before heading home.

Believe it or not, this makes me horny.

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Bedroom Radio Episode #5 – British Invasion!

Ellie — Sat, 29 Oct 2005 01:38:23 +0000

As promised last week, I interviewed a real bonafide rock star and asked him all sorts of sleazy questions. You know you love it!

Download Bedroom Radio Episode #5 (128k – 26 minutes) or Subscribe!

Show Notes

Interview:

David Lewis Gedge of The Wedding Present and Cinerama

Music:
Cinerama – “Lollobrigida” – Disco Volante
Cinerama – “Tie Me Up” – Torino

Dancing With Myself:
Curve – “My Tiled White Floor” – Gift (Thanks to Si for the great pick! If you have ideas for songs for me to “dance” to email them to me.)

Public Service Announcement:
“How to Pick Up Girls at the Library”

Call for Submissions!
I want to know what song was playing or what song you wish had been playing when you lost your virginity! Call the comment line to share.

Comments? Questions? Adoration? Naked pictures?
Email – bedroomradio@gmail.com
Phone – 206-339-7357
Website – BedroomRadio.com
Blog – Lumpesse.com

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Bedroom Radio Quickie #1

Ellie — Mon, 24 Oct 2005 22:50:47 +0000

Sometimes the urge to share a song with the world is as strong as the need for sex. “I have to do it now!” Once you consider the masturbatory nature of podcasting – the analogy really pans out.

Thus was conceived the Bedroom Radio Quickie. They might show up once a month or once a day. But know that when the mood strikes me I’ll hit you with it fast and hard. Just like you want it, baby. . .

Download Bedroom Radio Quickie #1 or Subscribe

Artist – The Blow
Album – The Concussive Caress

Contact Ellie at bedroomradio@gmail.com or 206-339-7357.

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“I Was A Teenage Prostitute” by Lisa Carver

Ellie — Mon, 24 Oct 2005 14:03:30 +0000

The talented Lisa Carver has an excerpt of her new memoir featured in Nerve today. She writes about her experience working as a prostitute between tours with her band Suckdog.

I get to change my personality five times a night, stepping into other people’s ideals. I can guess â€” from a man’s greeting, from his clothes, his eyes â€” who his dream woman is, and I become her. I take on her bearing, her speech, her interests. It’s a lot like my shows, except I don’t have to come up with my own character or new rhymes.

The comparison between prostitution and live musical performance caught my eye. Carver’s book is billed as a post-punk memoir so it is expected that she would tie these elements together. However, I think there is more to the comparison than convenience. While I have had little peeks into various elements of the music industry through the years, one thing I haven’t been is a musician myself. The idea terrifies me as much as it excites me. That means my opinion on this question has to be taken with a grain of salt.

Still, the analogy seems to pan out at least a little bit. It also tells us that even the most innovative/independent performers, commonly assumed to be outside the realm of commercial influence, feel the impetus to sublimate themselves before the audience. Even when money isn’t the driving factor the imperative to please the audience means that the performer (sexual or musical) has to change themselves to meet someone else’s fantasies.

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Bedroom Radio – Episode #4

Ellie — Fri, 21 Oct 2005 05:37:41 +0000

This is a long show for two reasons. A) I am lazy about editing and B) my interviewee this week was so fascinating and sexy there was nothing to take out anyway.

We talked about writing, music, porn, and breakfast pastries.

Download Bedroom Radio #4 (128k, 50 minutes) or Subscribe!

Show Notes
Special Guest: Mr. Vinnie Tesla

Fiction (read by the charming author himself): Dirty

A Long Expected Party

Music: Vinnie’s Pick – Rachelle Garniez “Spike Heel”

Ellie’s Pick – Sylvie Vartan “Nostalgia” (her website is totally in French)

Comments? Questions? Adoration? Naked pictures?

Email – bedroomradio@gmail.com

Phone – 206-339-7357

Website – BedroomRadio.com

Blog – Lumpesse.com

******************************************************************************

What people are saying about Bedroom Radio:

“Positively breathtaking. Such a perfect sweet and sultry voice. The world owes you one.”;
“has me harder than Chinese Algebra”;
“absolutely hotter than hell”;
“profoundly alluring”;
“incredibly intimate”;
“smart and sexy as hell”;
“best premise in podcasting history”

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Bedroom Radio #3

lumpesse — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

Bedroom Radio is a show about sex and music – and what happens when they work together. It is hosted by Ellie.

Download Bedroom Radio – Episode #3 (128k) or Subscribe!

On this week’s show:

Podcast Review – Professor P’s Porn Panorama

Sexy Song of the Week – The Autumns “Slow Kiss” from Le Carillon

Dancing with Myself – Beanfield “Charles”. If you have ideas about songs that I should use in this segment, email the song to me at bedroomradio@gmail.com, if I use your song I’ll mail you a mix CD!

Fiction – Night Air, Cut Grass, Damp Nylon, Wood Smoke, Cunt by Vinnie Tesla. Vinnie will be my guest on next week’s show.

BedroomRadio.com
Lumpesse.com

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Bedroom Radio – Episode #2

lumpesse — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

Included in this week’s show:

Music Press Shakedown – Rolling Stone is a poor magazine
Dancin’ With Myself – “Harriett” by Joe McPhee
Sexy Song of the Week – “Shave ‘Em Dry” by Lucille Bogan

Download Bedroom Radio – Episode #2 (128k) or Subscribe!

Also, check out an exclusive extra edition of Dancin’ With Myself at Sam Sugar’s Podnography Episode #10.

Comments or questions? Email me!

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So, who lost their virginity to The Doors?

lumpesse — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

The LA Times reports that Doors drummer John Densmore is holding out on allowing the music of the band to be used in commercials. Apparently they have had multi-million dollar offers on the table from Apple and Cadillac and Densmore keeps serving up a veto. He says:

“People lost their virginity to this music, got high for the first time to this music,” Densmore said. “I’ve had people say kids died in Vietnam listening to this music, other people say they know someone who didn’t commit suicide because of this musicâ€¦. On stage, when we played these songs, they felt mysterious and magic. That’s not for rent.”

Okay, whatever, I stopped believing the authenticity schtick awhile ago. But, I have to admit that it is a nice sentiment. Who wants to hear the song they lost it to in a Cadillac commercial? (Although, I guess there are worst products you could have that mental association with.)

Personally, there wasn’t any music playing when I lost my virginity. That is probably a good thing, knowing me I would hate the band by now or have fetishized the song. One or the other. However, the first time I received head there was a Woody Allen film playing in the background. I had to stop the action after a minute to turn it off, I was afraid that my psyche would be permanently imprinted with neurosis. Turns out it was too late.

What was playing when you lost your virginity?

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Announcing the debut of “Bedroom Radio”

lumpesse — Tue, 30 Nov 1999 00:00:00 +0000

As usual I’m 10 minutes late for the most recent fad. So, it took me awhile to realize that my love of music and my obsession with sex could combine in a hot sticky mess and spawn a podcast. It is with the trepidation and excitement of an awkward middle schooler slow dancing for the first time that I present you with Bedroom Radio – Episode One.

Featured Song: Betty Davis – “Gettin’ Kicked Off, Havin’ Fun” from Nasty Gal

Public Service Announcement: Boobie-thon 2005

Download Bedroom Radio #1 (128k)

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