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I’ve really only hinted at this here before but over the past several months I have had a growing interest in BDSM. I have always been basically sexually submissive and the first time that C pinned my hands over my head during sex, I got an amazing rush. Since that time he and I have been experimenting with various things. We started off with him tying up my wrists with a scarf or blindfolding me in a similar manner. During these exchanges, he was never rough with me but I enjoyed being bound. Back in June I was spanked for the first time. Shortly after this, I got a set of restraints and we have used them a few times to tie me down to the bed. Throughout it all, C has been fairly indifferent to these events. He enjoys pleasing me but hasn’t gotten any inate enjoyment from being dominant.

A few months ago, I thought we had reached a breakthrough of sorts. He was getting more spontaneous with the rough stuff and even seemed to be enjoying himself. I never wanted elaborate “scenes” but I did want him to take things into his own hands. It had been going pretty well when we had a conversation on my birthday - now I just sort of feel like a jerk.

Don’t get me wrong, I had a *great* birthday. C took me out for this gorgeous dinner and afterwards we went down to our favorite tea shop and I got a birthday bubble tea. I wore thigh-high stockings and was having a fun time letting him peek at the tops of them by sliding up the hem of my skirt. On the way home I playfully reminded him that I expected a birthday spanking. He made a little face before smiling and saying “okay”.

I would say that it was a mistake to have prodded him, but I’m glad that we had the conversation, even though I was disappointed in what I found out. All of these details come tumbling out about how he really doesn’t like being rough with me, it does nothing for him sexually, and he is uncomfortable with it in anything except the smallest doses. Here we’ve been for months and I’ve been convinced he is getting more comfortable with things when actually he is barely keeping up with me. The conversation ended with him saying that he would just have to get used to the idea of someone else dominating me. I felt like a complete monster - as if I had been forcing this person I love to do something against his nature.

But C is so wonderful, he detected that I was upset and didn’t let it put a damper on the evening. When we got home he took my hand and led me to the bedroom. He very slowly began kissing me and undressing me as I stood before him, I left my hands at my sides and closed my eyes while he caressed and teased me for ages. He layed me down in the bed and continued to make me squirm. He began working his lips down my body and teasing my pussy. His mouth is so wonderful and he has this charming habit where he usually doesn’t let me come just once. However, on this occasion he gave me a big surprise. After my first orgasm he lifted his head, sat up and motioned for me to lay down across his knees - when I balked and protested that he didn’t really want to he shushed me and insisted that I had to have my birthday spanking, one for each year.

He didn’t go easy on me either, the first strike startled me with its force and made me squeel. I immediately felt my pussy get wetter and ground against his knee. Somewhere along the way I lost control of myself, the sensations were so wonderful and his hand felt so strong alternately smacking and kneeding my ass. It ended too quickly but I was grateful as I was insane with desire and wanted nothing more than to feel his hard cock inside me finally. As I scrambled onto my feet and pushed him on his back, he smiled at me and said, “I do like watching your ass wiggling in my lap - I think I can do that every once and awhile.” I just smiled and kissed him as I positioned myself over his cock.

Here is a confession.

I don’t have sensitive nipples. I spent the first year that I was sexually active pretending that I did, though. I thought there was perhaps something wrong with them or that maybe I was feeling all there was to feel. I did a lot of exaggerated moaning and groaning when my boyfriend would suck on them. Meanwhile, I could barely feel a thing. I didn’t understand all of the hype.

I have heard rumors that women with larger breasts sometimes don’t have very sensitive nipples. I can’t find anything to corroborate this one way or another. Nonetheless, when I am turned on, they are basically numb to any sort of gentle stimulation.

I finally admit this to my boyfriend and he has adjusted his technique a bit. He still sucks on my nipples sometimes because he likes to (and hey, it isn’t as if I dislike it). And he also began doing something completely delicious. He licks and kisses for ages right at the crease of my breasts where they meet my chest. Everything that I imagined was supposed to happen when someone licks your nipples happens when he does that. Shivers run through my whole body and I find myself begging him for more.

However, I’ve more recently realized that there is pleasure to be had from my nipples. It all started when I began having phone sex with A. For me, gently sucks and nibbles don’t do much but hard pulling and twisting turn out to be remarkably effective. If it weren’t for A ordering me to pinch my nipples until I was whimpering in pain and pleasure I might never have discovered how much joy I could get from treating them roughly. A side effect of this is that I have also become very responsive to the word “harder” as he often growls it out me when he wants me to step up the intensity of the squeezing. The timbre of his voice at those moments is so incredibly intense that I really can’t think about disobeying.

As a result of these exchanges, I brought the new discovery to my boyfriend. He now enjoys pinching, twisting, and biting my nipples in addition to his previous repetoire. One of these days I’ll even get him to admit that he is becoming a bit of a breast man.

Photograph of and by the sexy and talented MENSAsexual. This is the second in my series on past and present phone sex partners. I started here and am working my way backwards from the most recent.

E found me on Alt.com, since then I’ve given up on that site but I consider him to be a good find. I was immediately attracted to E for two reasons; he was very polite and incredibly honest. He told me immediately that he had a girlfriend and didn’t want to cheat on her but was sexually unfulfilled. I still consider myself a beginner with D/s but E was a complete novice. All he knew was that the had a deep fantasy of submitting to a woman and being used as a tool of her pleasure - something that his girlfriend would never do.

The first night that E and I met we ended up on the phone and talked literally all night. We spoke about sex but a lot of our conversation was just about books, philosophy, politics. We clicked and became fast friends. He also asked me to order him around on the phone that night. I’m certainly not an expert but I managed to please him. My favorite trick is orgasm denial and he responded to that quite nicely. I remember being in awe of his excitement. In turn he was completely in awe of me. E was the first submissive man I ever really got to know and playing with him on the phone was both frightening and empowering at once.

E and I actually ended up going on a sort of date a few days later. We met at a jazz bar down the street from my house and sat together for hours talking. Meeting E was the first time that I projected my sexually confident self into the real world. Here I was at a bar that all of my professors frequent, sitting with a man who reads this blog and desperately wants me to tie him up and do nasty things to him. It was a head rush to say the least and the chemistry between E and I was marked. By the end of the evening we were quite close together on the couch and my leg was touching his. The only thing I could focus on in that moment was the inch of our flesh that was in contact - this small thing rendered me conversationally useless.

E didn’t kiss me that night. Instead we both went our separate ways and when we were safely miles apart in our own homes he confessed how much he had wanted me but couldn’t cheat on his girlfriend, knowing it was the wrong thing to do. His ethics just made me want him more but I obviously respected his wishes. E and I spoke on the phone one more time after that. He loved the way I sound when I orgasm and heaped glowing praise upon me for it. He confessed how desperately tempted he was to cheat on his girlfriend and I reminded him that I only wanted to kiss him.

In the end, the temptation made him realize he had to reconcile his relationship. E spoke with his girlfriend and they happily decided to try to mend their relationship. I was happy for him of course but admittedly a bit disappointed. E was delicious to listen to and incredibly tempting not to mention the first guy that my boyfriend had declared he was willing to meet and consider me sleeping with.

I know for a fact that had I kissed E that night at the bar, he would have kissed back. Do I regret not going for it? That is a difficult question in many ways - I think I would have had immense guilt for putting him in that situation. But I would be a liar to say that I don’t still wonder what his lips taste like.