My priorities have shifted. I have this amazing relationship with Mr. Vanilla and it is getting more and more serious. However, I don’t think about the sex too much. The last few months the sex has certainly been great but it hasn’t been front and center. I’ve traveled a lot, I’ve spent time with friends, and I’ve planned for my future.

The blogs I read these days are about home decorating. I’m sewing cloth napkins for the apartment I hope Mr. Vanilla and I will have together. As I feel increasingly domesticated I wonder if that means I have been tamed.

Then my subconscious kicks in. The yearnings scratch to the surface. I mourned having to miss Dark Odyssey Summer Camp this year. I had dreams about it for weeks . . . that I was there with friends. I didn’t even miss camp for sexy, artistic reasons. I wasn’t broke, I just couldn’t justify cancelling class. But the dreams kept coming. Bubbling to the surface with pure Id.

And then last week my back was killing me so I got a massage. My masseuse wasn’t particularly hot but he kept whispering and he was rubbing me with these perfect long strokes. I decided to pretend it was Mr. Vanilla and just a few minutes later I had to clear my mind of those thoughts as I didn’t think the masseuse would appreciate me all sexed up on the table.

And then last night there was a thunderstorm and we flung open the blinds so the lightning would illuminate us. And we fucked with this remarkable restraint and stillness. It was like the storm had cornered the market on energy and we were compelled to conserve. I was stunned by the intensity of my climax given the economy of movement. It had a quality to it that was so controlled that I couldn’t bear to collapse when it was over. Instead I hovered and we stared into each other. It wasn’t ravenous or extravagant or sex-bloggy. It was safe and full and very much electric.

And I know that tomorrow I might spend the day thinking about throw pillows and grading. But for now, I surrender to my dreams and expect that the spark is still inside me.