8 Responses for "Collar"

1. Lilly July 23rd, 2008 at 8:28 pm

   While I am aware of some of the connotations of wearing a collar in “public” like that, in a group that likely is heavy-handed on the D/s, I too would react at first in the same bewilderment as you and Jay did. To ask permission for merely speaking/touching, just because of a collar? Not something I can wrap my head around, I guess.

   I have had a past boy wear a collar, one I bought just for him. It was really more a way to clip his wrist restraints to something good, lol. And it meant a bit to him.

   I will be wearing a collar for R. Funny timing, as his HNT request for me is with a collar and leash. It’ll be weird for me, in person, to have this on. But just in private. I wouldn’t wear one in public.

2. marcello July 23rd, 2008 at 11:11 pm

   I was collared in a past D/s relationship, but even when wearing my public collar we did not take it to the level of asking permission for everything I did.

   I had generalized rules. We were in an open relationship, and I was not allowed to approach anyone in a sexual manner without her permission; everything else was ok.

3. marcello July 23rd, 2008 at 11:11 pm

   PS. I am adding you to my blogroll

4. Scarlet Lotus Sexgeek July 24th, 2008 at 4:30 am

   I wear a collar, and it’s gorgeous, too. But, for a goth girl, it’s really not that much of a difference from when I wasn’t collared by someone else. I’ve basically worn a collar since I was 14, but usually my own, and varying ones as well (I have tons that I don’t much wear anymore since I have this one, but Master and I have gone through three different ones thus far as well… I like variety).

   Like Lilly and marcello I’ve not had anyone react like that to my collar, though I’ve not been in an offline community much at all. At the play party last weekend I did have people assume I was his submissive and in service to him because of the collar, but there was no asking for permission, and I might have been more surprised if no one had said anything, since we were clearly together and yada yada.

   I’d assume that person either had been trained that way, or at some point was instructed to ask the Owner before the sub and took it to heart as something to do as default to not be disrespectful, or some other random thing. I’d be very surprised if everyone did it.

5. Ellie July 24th, 2008 at 8:57 am

   Lilly - Thanks for the perspective, I suspect that this was an anomaly.

   Marcello - Thanks sweetie, I need to add you back, I’ve had you on my feed reader for ages!

   Scarlet Lotus - Yeah, the assumptions seemed to come with the territory it was the protocol that was strange to me. Maybe it is just the South - lots of Old Guard leather folk here.

6. PantheraPardus July 26th, 2008 at 10:18 am

   Back in my going-to-goth-clubs days (I say that like I chose to stop; they actually just closed the one decent one near me), I would wear decorative collars out and about. I never had that experience either. Granted, in the places I was going, nearly everyone was wearing a collar, and they are 99% completely for looks. ;)

   I’m relatively new to the real-life BDSM scene, but the people I know don’t seem to be that steeped in protocol. If I were wearing someone’s collar for the evening and someone wanted to say hi or give me a hug, it’d be fine. If they wanted to talk to me about play, they’d ask whomever I happened to be temporarily collared to.

7. PantheraPardus July 26th, 2008 at 10:19 am

   By the way…I _love_ that top. I want one. Lots.

8. Ellie July 26th, 2008 at 12:09 pm

   PantheraPardus - Thanks for your perspective. I am wondering if I just happened upon a very cautious person ;) Oh, and I love that bustier too, it is lots of fun!

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