If everyone recognized that the sex-worker was the chef and not the pizza then there wouldn’t be any turmoil about prostitution at all. My big epiphany, just about this time last year, was that while there are exceptions to everything, at least based on behavior women almost always see themselves as the chef, men are raised to see women as… well… the pizza. Or more accurately not as chefs but as… say… doormen you either have to seem cool to up front, work your way into their good graces, or bribe up front in order to get through the gate.

Anyway, I’m not saying your perception isn’t exactly right for you, the problem is getting it through too many sex-worker customer’s and, especially, non-customers’ thick skulls. And here’s the deal: if or when everyone gets that you’re the chef and not the pizza or the doorman the problem of paying for sex goes away.

One last thing about the food analogy (which I love, by the way, and have a whole category for on my blog) is that while I totally agree (really, seriously) that an evening with a prostitute is and should be as acceptet as an evening at a dinner theater, the big difference is that (outside of maybe Lake Woebegone tales and maybe central Utah) nobody feels guilty, or gets hurt, when someone eats at a restaurant. Which doesn’t mean prostitution’s wrong, just that simply legalizing it without a resolution to the hurt/guilt/shame the customer participates in back in the home there will still be problems. And, I might add, without that resolution then magically eliminating prostitution outright woudn’t change anything either.

And finally, there’s the whole thing about how only men hire prostitutes. Given, especially, the intense frustration I’ve encountered from otherwise happily partnered women around the internet I still don’t understand why that would be.

And finally, responding to a comment Z made on my blog that your pizza vs. chef comparison addresses—men are still indoctrinated to see all sex, including prostitution, dating, and marriage as about, basically, buying that pizza… or (another comparison) saying crap like “why buy the chef when the pizza’s free?” So the issue isn’t just with prostitution (and that’s part of why I say it’s not a problem just that sex-workers have to solve.)

As always I really enjoy your blog, Ellie, even with I (almost) don’t agree.

Take care,

figleaf