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Other than both being delicious, what do sex and pizza have in common? Well, I was reading Figleaf’s post, “The ‘If Barbie is so popular why do you have to buy her friends?’ Problem” and I ended up writing a comment that busted the boundaries of the comment box alone.

I just recorded a podcast about this very question (#16.5 if you want to listen). It is a common belief that my clients have and it leads to a lot of shame. But, I will say here what I have said to them a hundred times. There is nothing wrong with you, at all.

Yes, we think of sex as something that someone should be able to have for free but there are a variety of reasons that men patronize sex workers. Perhaps they are bored with the sex they have in other relationships, perhaps they have a very particular fantasy that they want to fulfill, perhaps they get a thrill from paying for sex, maybe they just really want a woman and she happens to be a sex worker.

In the end, I am not in any place to judge why my client is on the other end of the line or what they want until they tell me. I can’t assume any sort of flaws with them as many of them have none – they just like the simplicity of my services and enjoy exploring with me.

What if we weren’t talking about sex but were talking about food. Something that people actually need to survive but are perfectly capable of making on their own. Perhaps I really want to eat pizza but I don’t have an oven or don’t know how to make pizza. Could I get on the phone/internet/etc and FIND someone to make me a pizza for free? Perhaps, but it might constitute a lot of trouble. It might not be as good as the pizza from the pizzaria. It might take a long time to get and I would be very hungry. Am I admitting that I am a pathetic and disgusting person if I have to BUY my pizza instead of someone just giving it to me?

Most people would see this example as ridiculous but they aren’t as quick to say that sex work is the same. I think there is a lot of similarity. Men explore places and things with professionals that they think the can’t get anywhere else or that they don’t want to go to the trouble of getting.

But, you will say this is objectifying, how can you compare yourself to a pizza that can be ordered up and delivered to anyone with a credit card? Here is the important thing to keep in mind. The sex worker isn’t the pizza, he or she is the chef.

A sex worker isn’t “selling herself” or “selling her body” any more than any other human being on the face of the planet is selling themselves for their time or labor. It is an old point but one that needs to be made. I am not the object or the good, I am the artisan or producer.

[Bedroom Radio #16.5 is largely a discussion of this and related topics – if you haven’t listened yet, I would love if you did. And if you called me with your ideas and feedback.]

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