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Remember how I mentioned last week that I got tied up with some black rope? Well, I’m still spending a lot of time thinking about it and so is J.

J tied me up at the ankles and wrists and then lashed my wrists next to my knees. It was a bit like this except I was on my back with my legs straight up in the air.

The procedure and ceremony that had to go into it was amazing and completely breathtaking. J spends a lot of time claiming to be a novice and acting less sexually experienced than he is. But, when it comes down to it, he takes complete ownership of his desire and enjoyment when we are in bed together. During this particular encounter he worked silently and efficiently as he tied me up. With each looping of the rope around my ankles or wrists, my heart beat faster and I felt myself getting wetter.

There was something delicious and utterly terrifying about what was going on. With my legs and arms finally bound I felt I had no outlet at all for my sexual energy. I felt like no more than a bundle of nerves and warm flesh at the mercy of J. I longed for him to touch me but I didn’t dare to ask - in fact I apparently remained silent the entire encounter. I could swear I said a few things but J claims I just stared at his face the entire time.

He took a long time to decide to touch me instead spending long moments with one hand on my ankles shifting my legs as he pleased. He inspected my body up close, staring in a way that should have made me incredibly uncomfortable. Instead it just heightened my anticipation. Then he looked at me and with a remarkable glint in his eyes said, “You don’t just look helpless, you really are helpless.” I felt this sudden terror and realized that I was finally *in* it, I could feel the drama we were acting out and I loved riding the sensation.

As I stared into J’s eyes he slid his cock inside me, resting my legs against his chest. As he pounded into me, I was riveted in the moment. I felt as if I could see myself from the outside and as if I was watching him from a different place as well. I know that people talk about “subspace” and I’m not sure if it was that, but it was something different than I’ve ever felt before - an intellectual distance in order to secure my sanity in this moment of intense subordination of will.

After a period of time, J asked me where he should come on me. Without waiting for my answer, he pulled off his condom, dropped my legs and came on my face. I must have looked stunned because he scrambled for the ropes and after untying me quickly held me and asked if I was alright.

It turns out that my look of terror never really subsisted and he had been worried about me, that I was about to crack. As he held me, I explained that I was thrilled and hadn’t even considered using my safe word. He admit that the fear in my eyes and the power he felt had been a huge turn-on. As he held me, he was grinning like a Cheshire cat - his face became undeniably and unrelentingly handsome in that moment. J is always a handsome man but he was radiating such confidence and beauty in that moment that he almost looked like a different person.

I can’t wait to do it again, next time we’ll take pictures.