Welcome back!
I’ve really only hinted at this here before but over the past several months I have had a growing interest in BDSM. I have always been basically sexually submissive and the first time that C pinned my hands over my head during sex, I got an amazing rush. Since that time he and I have been experimenting with various things. We started off with him tying up my wrists with a scarf or blindfolding me in a similar manner. During these exchanges, he was never rough with me but I enjoyed being bound. Back in June I was spanked for the first time. Shortly after this, I got a set of restraints and we have used them a few times to tie me down to the bed. Throughout it all, C has been fairly indifferent to these events. He enjoys pleasing me but hasn’t gotten any inate enjoyment from being dominant.
A few months ago, I thought we had reached a breakthrough of sorts. He was getting more spontaneous with the rough stuff and even seemed to be enjoying himself. I never wanted elaborate “scenes” but I did want him to take things into his own hands. It had been going pretty well when we had a conversation on my birthday – now I just sort of feel like a jerk.
Don’t get me wrong, I had a great birthday. C took me out for this gorgeous dinner and afterwards we went down to our favorite tea shop and I got a birthday bubble tea. I wore thigh-high stockings and was having a fun time letting him peek at the tops of them by sliding up the hem of my skirt. On the way home I playfully reminded him that I expected a birthday spanking. He made a little face before smiling and saying “okay”.
I would say that it was a mistake to have prodded him, but I’m glad that we had the conversation, even though I was disappointed in what I found out. All of these details come tumbling out about how he really doesn’t like being rough with me, it does nothing for him sexually, and he is uncomfortable with it in anything except the smallest doses. Here we’ve been for months and I’ve been convinced he is getting more comfortable with things when actually he is barely keeping up with me. The conversation ended with him saying that he would just have to get used to the idea of someone else dominating me. I felt like a complete monster – as if I had been forcing this person I love to do something against his nature.
But C is so wonderful, he detected that I was upset and didn’t let it put a damper on the evening. When we got home he took my hand and led me to the bedroom. He very slowly began kissing me and undressing me as I stood before him, I left my hands at my sides and closed my eyes while he caressed and teased me for ages. He layed me down in the bed and continued to make me squirm. He began working his lips down my body and teasing my pussy. His mouth is so wonderful and he has this charming habit where he usually doesn’t let me come just once. However, on this occasion he gave me a big surprise. After my first orgasm he lifted his head, sat up and motioned for me to lay down across his knees – when I balked and protested that he didn’t really want to he shushed me and insisted that I had to have my birthday spanking, one for each year.
He didn’t go easy on me either, the first strike startled me with its force and made me squeel. I immediately felt my pussy get wetter and ground against his knee. Somewhere along the way I lost control of myself, the sensations were so wonderful and his hand felt so strong alternately smacking and kneeding my ass. It ended too quickly but I was grateful as I was insane with desire and wanted nothing more than to feel his hard cock inside me finally. As I scrambled onto my feet and pushed him on his back, he smiled at me and said, “I do like watching your ass wiggling in my lap – I think I can do that every once and awhile.” I just smiled and kissed him as I positioned myself over his cock.


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5 Responses for "a (reluctant) spanking"
I’m sure you’ll get lots of offers.
I’m very happy you got what you wanted for your birthday!
Thanks! – ellie
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Truly a wonderful Birthday surprise. I’m pleased the evening worked out so well, when everything pointed to the contrary.
Regarding the perennial problem of a partner not sharing our kink, sure there may be happy meeting grounds such as the one you describe above but it lacks the fire, the communication that borders on telepathy and that inhibits our ability to go as deep as we dare. I’m sure you would have plenty of offers if you sought a top/Dom outside your relationship but such encounters create many compromises.
My hope is that you and C find a way to enjoy your kink that doesn’t leave him feeling sullied and you disappointed. All the very best Ellie.
Thank you Magdelena, I appreciate your thoughts on this. I’m at a place right now where I want to make sure he is happy. I worry that we’ve maybe been focusing on me too much lately. Sex is complicated. – ellie
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I sympathise – I don’t want to go outside my relationship for the BDSM stuff, but I don’t want him to do it for me. I want him to want to do it to me.
At least spanking is one of those things that can be both BDSM and simply erotic – a little something for everyone.
There seems to be a whole club of us kinky ladies with non-kinky partners. – ellie
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I can empathize with the pull of feelings you must of experienced. I went through something similar well of sorts when My then Master professed his love for Me.
At that point it became to difficult for him to treat Me as the slave I had been. He also was starting to see the Dominant Woman I have morphed into. I know we both are bittersweet about the Master/slave time from our past.
I miss it, but know it can’t really ever be the same if we tried to go back.
I am glad though he enjoyed the idea of the spankings…
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I understand where C is coming from. My ex-girlfriend was much more into BDSM than I was; she was a submissive who loved spankings. I, however, always had reservations about being so rough with her, but obliged her when she seemed to want to be submissive.
My reservation had many roots, roots which stemmed from many sources. But paramount to my reservations was the fear that I would go too far, do something out-of-line, and scare and/or hurt her. To abuse the trust that I had been given. Being put into the position of such power can be overwhelming, and can cause a lot of anxiety. You are responsible for all of the actions. You are responsible for the excitement. And you are responsible if anything goes wrong. You have to work hard to balance on the knife’s edge of what is exciting without pushing over the edge that is too far, for both you and your partner.
That may be a bit much responsibility to give to C all at once. It was for me, and it cause quite a few problems at first. Only after a long time of talking about my reservations was I able to “let loose” and start to enjoy what I was doing. But I took a lot of convincing, since being a dominant is against all of what I’ve grown up believing; you never, EVER hit a woman. Act like a gentleman. Treat a woman with respect. Treat the woman you love with the upmost respect. Violence is abhorrent, especially against those weaker than you. Rape is unnacceptable; always.
Those beliefs are hardwired and hard to go around, even when someone is asking for and giving permission to do so. I was uncomfortable of degrading her, of hurting her, and of scaring her. And I was afraid of scaring myself.
I may be way off the mark, and none of this may have anything to do with C’s reservations. But these are issues that made me uncomfortable with those things that she really wanted from me, and only through a lot of talking, soul searching and reassurances did I finally open up and learn to enjoy the play. Trust is incredibly important for this to work, and self-trust is just as important. He has to trust you and to trust himself before this can become enjoyable.
Give him time and reassure him. Keep talking about it, and you may find that he may come around. And you might find that he has some suggestions that you may enjoy as well. This is, after all, a lot to ask for, so you have to take your time.
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