I’ve been missing in action for a few days because I’ve been dealing with laptop meltdown. The conclusion seems to be that my Dell 300m is completely fucked with little chance of it getting de-fucked. So, I’ve had to move the operation over to my desktop and am frantically searching for a cheap laptop that will get me through November when I’ll be working out of town every weekend. I don’t want to hear anything from the Apple-owning peanut gallery right now. I’m still sensitive over the loss of my sweet little Dell.

Anyhow, at risk of becoming a “this is what I read in Nerve this week” blog, I had to share this essay on talking dirty because it could have been written by my boyfriend.

When my breath returned, I restarted my pushing. Her face strained in anticipation. Still, I said nothing. Another minute passed. No longer able to bear the suspense, she closed her eyes. My mind raced with possibilities: “I like my penis inside you.” “You’re beautiful.” “I am going to fuck your brains out!” “I like your pussy.” “I am so horny for you.” “You have great tits.”
It all sounded to me like lame cocktail patter at a swingers’ party. My dick was getting soft just hearing these thoughts run through my head.
Then it just happened. Under all that pressure, I coined the phrase, “You like that?!”

This essay plays out all the insecurities that the guy feels at being asked to talk dirty. I have made a similar request to my boyfriend usually in the form of asking ridiculous questions during sex like:
“What are you thinking about?”
“How does that feel?”
“Do you like that?”
He usually just sort of nods and raises an eyebrow. The only thing I can say that guarantees a verbal response is “I love you.” This is always answered with an “I love you too.”

This isn’t to say that the poor boy hasn’t tried. On occasion he will get industrious and say something about how good my pussy feels. Largely, though, he doesn’t want to talk much at all and I try not to push him. There seems to be little worse than fucking someone that is trying desperately to come up with their next line. It makes the whole thing feel like small talk.

Lately, though, as we’ve been playing with domination a bit in bed, C has gotten a bit more talky. I think that last weekend he actually said, “Do you like being my little whore?” Wow, big steps for a guy that barely moans. I loved it but I can tell that he isn’t 100% there and this is all still an act to amuse me.

Men out there. Are you self-conscious about talking dirty? Do you do it anyway? What works for you? I want to figure this out and I don’t want my boyfriend to be humiliated!